I left DS for couple of weeks - I'm not sure why, maybe I thought I was getting "better" or maybe my relationship was "healing"? Or I was just trying to supress all of my pain. I know for sure that if I honestly look into my heart, I'm still in so much pain... I'm trying so hard to suppress it to survive on a daily basis. I would like to make my marriage work, but I also am so tired of feeling hurt... I know I will never trust my H again. He wants to work on our marriage, but the constant triggers & thoughts I have, seem to bring out the most aggressive part of me. I scream, I throw, I just try so hard to contain everything, but it seems as though I'm just not strong enough to keep it all bottled up. I feel like Dr.Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. At one moment I'm nice pleasant& poised(pretending this situation isn't so bad), then with one, single trigger I explode! What am I to do? How do I maintain my sainty?
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