I thought for a while after finding out that he screwed my best friend for four months that if he really truelly wanted me and not her he would be doing some serious but kissing or at least being a little nicer to me I comfronted him about it I told him look ass hole your the one that cheated on me why am I feeling like I have to kiss your ass because right now I could care less if you left and never came back. Then I got to thinking neither one of us should be kissing butts we should be showing each other how much we love each other. Some days its really hard for me to do this but for the most part he does show he loves me. He tells me all the time the only problem is right now its too soon into the affair and I am having the worst time believing anything he says. Your not being over sensitive if he truly loves you he will let you know. And he will let you take the time you need to heel.

I COMPLEATLY understand the need to see them gravel, beg, and plead. But it's not going to give you what you really want... trust. Trust is something that is extreamly hard to rebuild. My husband cheated on my via the internet. He didn't view it as cheating and doesn't think the situation is as bad as I do. Maybe your X has the same feeling that the affair didn't mean anything or it's over therefore it's not an issue anymore. He should take all measures to make you comfortable-with in reason. If he had contact with a specific person he should stay away. If it was because of a specific bar or habit (internet, texting, etc) then he should stop/stay away. You should also have the ability to check on him since he forfited the right to be trusted. Don't forget that during these moments of upheavel and instability that it's easy to get lost. Take time for you and BREATHE

Hi,
I get the "calm down, I am not doing anything" the " I don't have a girlfriend"...bla,bla,fuc****,bla.
And my reply is always, CALM THE F*** DOWN? You cheated on me, Asshole! Do you mean you don't have a girlfriend at this minute...because I caught you?

Be upset, damn it. This is a BIG thing! You may not get anywhere, but it sure makes me feel better to scream at my cheatin husband.

Yes, He should be trying to convince you that this will never happen again, but, on the other hand, it doesn't mean it won't happen again.

You can't rebuild this marriage by yourself. He needs to want it too.

You called him your X, are you already divorced, or just separated?

He needs to help you through this for as long as it takes for you to feel that trust in him again.

My hubby and I are still separated after 5months of trying to work through things and I am very slowly starting to rebuild me. I think this has been the key for me. I need to feel like if he were to cheat on me again, I could stand on my own two feet and say "I don't need you or this" and leave.

This stopped being about him the moment he thought about cheating. This stopped being about him the moment he cheated. This stopped being about him, the moment he put someone else before his wife.

I concur with the majority here. He did the crime, he needs to put in the time to make you feel good and comfortable. If that is a pain in the ass tough.

Shock,
i must agree with Wish I wasnt. My h is getting a little tired of me not being over it yet and it has been two years! You know what, if he had told me the truth from the beginning, been consistantly remoresful and not told me he was having an affair by saying, "I met this woman and she makes me so happy...." In other words engaged his brain, then it would probably be in the past. As it is, he feels he just cant keep dealing with the fact that I cannot let it go. I read in one of the many books about infidelity that I read and he never finished, that not being ready could very well mean he is omitting some crucial information. Hey maybe he is. Maybe not. If he cannot meet my needs and respond to my specific requests..then..well..I am sorry. He can only do what he can do. I can only stay with someone who is willing to "do the time" if he "does the crime". I did not ask to be put in the position of being...difficult. In fact, I was the most easy going, loving, completely trusting and adoring wife he has ever known. Sorry, I am difficult now!

I agree with nave, he says he wats the old me back because thats the one he adored- so why cheat then arsehole

Amen. Mine said "why are you so angry...I don't understand why your angry..you knew this would happen..." I knew, if I knew you wouldn't be here still...Why am I so angry? Why am I still angry? This mf wanted me to keep the credit cards open so he could continue to live comfortably and convieniently while screwing me over...when I cut off all his cards on my accounts he got pissed...go figure!! BE PISSED...it's the getting unpissed that is harder than hell...