Good luck with this conversation. You have been forwarned that it probably won't end nicely. I would say that if you are not happy in your marriage, you really should get out of your marriage before you start a relationship with anyone else.

In my opinion, if you go into another relationship right now it will end just like the one you are leaving, You have got to be happy with you before you can be happy with anyone else. I think that most second marriages end because the baggage from the first one comes between them. You can not commit to a new relationship until you are done with the first one.

i never think that cheating is right, no matter what. Alot of us have been betrayed by our spouses so we are not always the most sympathetic to the cheater but I think you know what you are doing is wrong. So I think you need to come clean about what you have done with your H and if you think there is any hope of working out your marriage then try to save it. If not then you should get a divorce and when you heal from that then you can start a new relationship. Trust me I have learned that a new relationship does more damage than good

I agree with Jhorn, if you have found that you are capable of moving on into another relationship why not leave your husband. I myself would have chose to divorce him before bringing another person into the situation.

I agree with Jhorn, if you have found that you are capable of moving on into another relationship why not leave your husband. I myself would have chose to divorce him before bringing another person into the situation.

13 years thrown away because you were not EXACTLY HAPPY. That's a pretty low threshold to jump into an affair. You've had your fun at your husband's expense now why don't you put the same effort into the marriage? It's not your husband that makes you unhappy,it's yourself. If your husband is kind enough to keep you then you should save your marriage. Your kids need their father as well so stop thinking only of yourself.

I did not seek the A it just kinda happened

Understanding that you did not seek the affair. But unfortunately for you an affair is a life altering event for many innocent parties and it doesn't "just kinda happen" You make the decisions on what you are and aren't willing to do to the people that you love and trust me you have no idea how much pain you have already caused..you should prepare yourself now, for the consequenses and the pain that is "just going to happen" to your family. I'm sorry that you weren't happy in your marriage, however, an affair is unacceptable and ALWAYS avoidable.

When you got into the affair, it was a decision to do it... It was your choice!!

I had the temptation to cheat and I was unhappy in my marriage, but I had made a commitment to a my husband when I stood in front of the minister, family and friends.. so I would never make the decision to cheat..

Tell the lover goodbye and go on bended knees if needed and beg your husband for forgiveness... You have children and they don't need this in their lives... It can completely destroy their lives....

Think about someone, other than yourself for a change!!!

Believe me, you can't have both. I understand how you didn't PLAN on this, in spite of what some people may say to you here. I've been there, too. However, you have to get yourself back to reality, and quit living in a fantasy world, no matter how good it might feel! Even if you leave your marriage, it's doubtful that you could have a successfuly future with the OM. At least the statistics say relationships that start as cheating don't last. Maybe you should break it off with both, and focus on your children! That would be the most selfless decision you could make, in my opinion. Also, I strongly suggest individual counseling to help yourself!!

The first priority is obviously the children. Do whats right for them and youre going to be happy... as far as relationships go...If youre having an affair that makes you a bad person. But doesnt mean you can never be a good person. Think about it.

wow that is a new one...you may not have looked for the affair but ummm you cant say oh well it just happened...

you had to meet the person and say oh yeah I want to have sex then you had to sneak off and hide it from your H...then you had to either undress yourself or let him undress you and then have sex so ummmm no it just didn`t happen....

Thank you everyone for your input! I will consider my options very carefully.

I can not beleive what I just read...OK see someone dying most of the time " just Happens" affairs do not.. unfortunetly they both end with other people getting hurt... I know that I did not plan on becoming an addict either, but I too had choices, now I completely regret my choices but I have to live with them every day... unlike my H having an affair I did not have a choice in the matter but again I have to have to also live with that.. the choices you make affect other poeple.. I am so sorry but this just really hit a nerve. I am sorry that you are not happy in your marraige but again in my 9 year marraige there have been many times I have not been happy but I did not go out and cheat on my H I tried to fix the things that made me unhappy, I tried to fix my marriage.I am also a firm beleiver that you do not stay with someone becuase of the kids, you will begin to resent them for your unhappiness. SO I think if your H has giving you 13 years of his time then you Do owe him a little of your time to talk and if you can not work things out then atleast be a big enough person to admit your defeats and get out of the marriage... and if you can work it out then learn from this and hopefully it will make your marriage stronger. Best wishes