
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

deleted_user
I'm a bit discouraged.
I've thought long and hard about how I'm going to write this in MY journal, and if you're reading this, don't think I'm just being selfish and not taking my wife's feelings into consideration.
I understand that my wife is in a place where everything I do that is marginally wrong she is going to amplify her reaction towards me. Am I wrong about this? Even something as simple as a slight misunderstanding or miscommunication and she gets extremely upset and I take in all her anger. But I just need to be sure that this is expected.
I've written and told myself in the past that I will take all her anger if it means we can have our life together, but like I stated earlier, I'm a bit discouraged.
I know, I know, I know she is angry and has every right to vent. But it would be helpful to know that this is just part of the process and that the way it's being handled on my part is okay.
I'm reading everything I've just written and it's not coming off right, not the way I want to express myself, I hope you can forgive me...
...but I'm just a bit discouraged.
I've thought long and hard about how I'm going to write this in MY journal, and if you're reading this, don't think I'm just being selfish and not taking my wife's feelings into consideration.
I understand that my wife is in a place where everything I do that is marginally wrong she is going to amplify her reaction towards me. Am I wrong about this? Even something as simple as a slight misunderstanding or miscommunication and she gets extremely upset and I take in all her anger. But I just need to be sure that this is expected.
I've written and told myself in the past that I will take all her anger if it means we can have our life together, but like I stated earlier, I'm a bit discouraged.
I know, I know, I know she is angry and has every right to vent. But it would be helpful to know that this is just part of the process and that the way it's being handled on my part is okay.
I'm reading everything I've just written and it's not coming off right, not the way I want to express myself, I hope you can forgive me...
...but I'm just a bit discouraged.
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I like the idea of her making a list. Just reassure her constantly how much you love her.
She sounds like she is still very much angry and hurt. Give her time and whatever else she needs to get through this.
I know your fustrated but just hang in there. Time is going to heal some things you have to do the rest.
Good Luck
Let her vent, rage, etc. And keep your cool, she will appreciate that later.
Three times huh? You have alot of making up to do. I think I would be gone. Are men really that insecure about themselves that they need to findwomen that open their legs to anyone? Give us a break.
If you love your wife, by all means let her know by your actions. Talk to her ....hold her....give her special attention. Men--(not all men) just don't see the importance of showing affection to their wife. It is NOT an unmanly thing to do. My H is like that and it is hard to make him understand what I need from him on a consistant basis.
Good luck with your wife, you need to understand how she feels. We think differently than you guys do....our hurt and our anger goes deeper than you think.
Your a couple months into this and yet you obviously still dont get it do you? You just cant seem to see the big picture. Its not about going through some freeking process that you just need to sit tight and wait till it passes. What you did destroys marriages! its a deal breaker! its unforgivable! Sure there are many of us still giving our SO another chance and offering them that forgiveness but that decision is not made easily.
this is the second time now that you've said your discouraged. so I ask you can you live with that discouragement everyday and look past it and do the things she needs you to do for the next year? how about 2yrs or 3?
Sure some reading this may say I'm coming down on you but I'm not. I just dont believe that your truly understanding the pain that your actions have brought upon her. and the work that you will have to do to rebiuild a marriage from the devistation that has crushed it.
There is also truth in the last couple of responses. You can't undo what you did. You can't completely fix it by gluing it together with the right words. The crack will always be there. You just have to keep going and see if it springs a leak.
As far as your wife's responses...she is definitely moving through the anger stages. That's actually a good thing. Yes, she's looking for absolute perfection, and that is not who or what you're able to be. So, she's going to get angry at you. Let her. She can't heal until she gets it out. You need to feel her pain and her anger. You need to be able to empathize with what you've done to her.
My wife went through some parts of her depression that are called rages. It didn't matter what I did or said, it was always wrong. If I tried to wash the dishes, that made her mad because I was showing her what a horrible house keeper she was. If I said something nice, she would twist it to mean something else. If I said I was sorry, it didn't matter. She wasn't thinking clearly. She was seeing everything through her hurt and her pain and it was coming out as anger. So, I do know what it feels to be on the receiving end. It doesn't make sense. You feel like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. And, you are. But, don't pull away. Stay on the front lines and take your punishment for now. Let her get it out. It's one of the best things she could be doing right now. She may be wanting to see if it hurts you. She may want to see you hurt as much as you hurt her. I don't know...she probably doesn't even have a motive behind it. She's probably just venting. See it as a positive thing and deal with it as it comes. But, don't stop trying. Keep on kissing her feet, her butt, and anything else that she throws at you. Let it hurt you and show her how much you're willing to take to work it out with her.
So I guess you really really need to decide if you love your wife enough to be able to take what she can dish out right now. Every single thing you say or do will be scrutinized, analyzed and it may be thrown back out at you. You may get angry, you may think it is unreasonable, but really much of it is not. If you are truly doing the right things and you truly want your wife back, then she will move past this stage. If not, you need to address that with her as well. Good luck.
"Dear, I know you don't understand what I've done or why and it's tearing you up inside. I know it will continue to eat away at you for years to come (if indeed you ever stop hurting). I know I am completely responsible because I'm the one who did this to you." Imolina, you had your turn to make unilateral decisions about the relationship; now it's her turn. So, what you say next should be just as honest and ought to give her what she needs to move forward in the way that works best for HER.
The option that indicates you want her to keep trying because you are committed to repairing things as much as possible:
"I know I may never completely repair the damage I caused but I'm willing to live with that as long as you will keep trying to forgive me for the awful things I've done. I will do whatever it takes to make things right again. Please don't hesitate to tell me what you need and don't hold back your feelings. You have EVERY RIGHT to be angry at me and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me for the rest of my natural life. In fact, I understand if you want me to leave and let you start a new life. This will hurt me but I understand why you would feel like you need to do this. I love you so much and I am so so so sorry. Please, please forgive me."
The option that indicates your unwillingness to participate in an extended healing process:
"I know you're very angry at me and you feel that you have a right to be. I feel like I've apologized and you should accept my apology and move on because I'm ready for us to move on with our lives. I am running out of patience with your anger and I am unwilling to continue a life together if it's going to be like this. If you can't stop being angry with me very soon and just let bygones be bygones, we should stop the mutual suffering (you might like this option because it acknowledges your self-pity) and go our separate ways. I love you but I'm unwilling to work to fix the problems in our marriage that I caused."