I have been with my husband for 16 years - we have supported each other through good times and bad - we love each other unconditionally. As part of his journey with major anxiety problems he left me emotionally for a time - he had to - he couldn't love me as he hated himself. He had many trips overseas last year for long periods of time and I knew he was on a journey to self discovery. I supported him through all of it but I waited for such a long time to hear the words - "I want to be with you for the rest of my life". Earlier this year I gave up hope and met the most wonderful soul on the internet - this man picked me up from the depths of hell - showed me love and compassion beyond my wildest dreams. There were no lies and no cheating - I told my husband everything and I told the other where I was at with my husband - I have been honest to the greatest degree. Just after I made the connection with the other - my husband emerged out of the depths - his journey had ended - he declared his love to me for all eternity - he quite simply became the man I always dreamed of and the man I had spent 4 years waiting for. He wants my complete commitment but I can do it at the moment - part of my heart is with the other and part of me had already left him. I'm not looking for a committed relationship with the other and both he and my husband know that - but my husband has given me the choice to leave the house for a time and be free to just be for a while. To see where my journey takes me as he had done. His hope is that I will come back in time to sit next to him together with clarity but has also accepted that I may not. I have two children whom I love very much - they will be fine with their dad and I will still see them practically every day - we are going to say mum is only on holiday for a while - I'm not being the mum they need at the moment anyway - I'm very distant. What I am asking is that now I've been given the freedom to go and find my truth, find who I am, find what I want - I'm scared and cold and at the moment I'm living in the mentally darkest place possible - I can't think, I can't breathe. Will I be able to fully commit if I stay in the house and see my husbands pain day in and day out? Will I regret a lost opportunity in years to come? My husband took time out from "us" and came back. Can I do the same? Should I stay in the house or should I go away for a while to try and find the answers? Someone anyone help me with this pain - I can't stand it any more.
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