sorry this is so long but i promised to let you know when my husband child came to visit.

well it finally happened...on sunday afternoon my husband and i picked up his daughter. he and i saw a movie on saturday night and while we sat im mcdonalds parking lot eating i asked him what he was going to do about his child and he asked if we could get her on sunday. so he called up her mother on sunday morning and aked if he could get her at about 2 and she agreed, he thanked her and hung up. we met her at an eckerds drug store and made the exchange. i am a mother and i know how i feel about my baby but it really pissed me off when this person had the nerve to cry as she handed the child over.

it was so hard for me to look at this child sitting in my backseat so i didn't (please don't crucify me for that) but i was devasted. it was also hard having to see her mother because of course all the nasty details started flooding my mind. i really want to get past that because it is consuming every aspect of ME. anyway when we got home i took our son out of his carseat and i went straight into the house, disarmed the alarm and went straight to my bedroom, into my bathroom. i hit the floor and just fell completely apart. after a few minutes i pulled myself together and i got into my car and went to the airport to watch the planes take off. i am surprised that i made it there because i could not see thru all the tears. when i came home my husband, son and his daughter were all standing near the door about to go outside. i made some coffee and sat in my room drinking caffeine and tears and my son comes into my room. he gives me big hugs and kisses and really put me at ease. so i go downstairs and call the little girl over and she comes she lets me hold her on my lap and says a few words to me but she refused to hug me or give me a "high five." we go to the store and she reaches out to hold my hand and then my son links hands with her as he holds his dads hand. to someone on the outside looking in i am sure we just looked like the perfect little family, mommy, daddy, son and daughter. i hope this changes but it just did not feel right to me. i never mistreated the child but i did not throw myself onto her, i always said i would take it slow as not to rush either of us into something we may not be ready for. when we returned i fed her and my son and after we ate i cleaned them both up and changed her diaper. we left home at 7 to return her to her mother at eckerds. he mother pulls up and she is talking on the cell phone. she never picked her child up or even said anything to her. she looked at the dora sticker i bought her and continued her conversation on the phone. me husband lets her put the carseat in while he says goodbye. she then lets him put the child in and she goes and gets back in the drivers seat(still talking on the phone) she backs up really fast and zooms out of the parking lot. i think she was on the phone to avoid having to talk to us, little did she know i had nothing to say to her anyway and my husband is such an nervous wreck that he does not know whether to wind his butt or scratch his watch. the reality that this is not my child is really weighting on me and i an not dumb i do realize that that will never change. i have cried non stop since this took place and i HATE being in this state and i am so angry at my husband because i just can not believe he did this. this child is so thin and of course i see everything her mother is not doing for her, but what can i do about it, i just don't know......... anyway sorry it is so long but i promised to keep you posted.