Take some time and figure out exactly what you want for your future. Without peace of mind, the future ahead is very hard. But we're all here to help you in any way that we can.

WELL I WOULD THINK THAT IF HE IS STILL TALKING TO HER THAN SHE WOULD KNOW THAT HE NO LONGER HAS THAT SAME EMAIL ADDRESS, SO WHAT DO THE EMAILS SAY? DOES THE CONTEXT SEEM LIKE A CORRESPONDENCE OR IS SHE JUST LIKE "HEY HOW ARE YOU." I HOPE HE IS NOT LYING BUT I GUESS YOU BETTER GET YOUR P.I. BADGE OUT AND GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHAT'S GOING ON.

I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU I KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS AND I HATE THAT ANY OF US HERE HAVE TO GO THRU THIS.

i may be going through a cynical stage, but it seems like once the trust is broken, no matter how hard you work, there will always be moments of doubt, and moments when the pain returns as strong as ever.

read some of the posts of victims who have been dealing with this for years.
you can still hear the pain and anger.
they'll admit there are aspects of the relationship that have improved, but the trust, it never seems to be what it once was.

think about what steps you're taking to monitor his life.
watching his old e-mail.
you can read about people who monitor cell phones, require regular check-ins.
stick a gps tracking system up his ass.
all that accomplishes is a momentary peace of mind for the victim. it's not restoring trust.
restoring trust would mean at some point you let go of all the watching and waiting and let him go.

let it go.
save yourself now.
whatever you think you're saving was lost the moment he betrayed you.
all that's left is the shell of a relationship.

cheating is a symptom of a person's MO, not the illness.
it takes a dramatic shift in a person's character to ensure he doesn't cheat again.

put yourself first.
what do you need. want.
not in terms of saving the marriage, etc., but in terms of things that will make you happy.
and then ask yourself how much of that was truly being satisfied in the relationship before you knew he cheated.
how much is being satisfied now?
if you realize you're coming up short, and my guess you will, move on.
everything else - any children, dealing with the finances - will work itself out.

thanks all..and big d I agree.. I ran back into reconcilliation before I really thought things thru..about what I wanted or neede. There were and are many things missing..I just didnt want to go thru another divorce.. ANOTHER.
I also think that if he has had any contact with her she would no that that email was not in use...however she may be doing it just to piss me off..and break us up. She is very very young..and totally gross. UGLY doesnt touch it...you know coyote ugly. which makes me feel even worse.

hey - two divorces is the new old maid, or something like that.
(side note - getting ready for my second also, so, you know, it's all good.)

her being coyote ugly is not a reflection on you.
it's a reflection on your husband's clearly deteriorating sense of self.
he went from someone as classy and pretty as you to coyote ugly?!? his problem.