Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I'm going to try and summarize this without being too dramatic and then ask some questions. Thanks in advance for the help.
With a girl for 2 years...when I first met her, we were not serious and I was an ass to her. She did like phone sex with this guy in Michigan (700 miles away) and from time to time (I think because I was an ass) would actually interrupt our call to take his.
We became serious and that stopped. She sent an e-mail to him. 2 years later...she did something else.
She started working for a corporation...she made several comments about someone there, so I was a little suspicious. I put a keylogger on her computer and sure enough she created an e-mail account named workwyou@blah.com, the she used for the account was Someone Special. The e-mail I saw was, "blue shirt you were wearing...it's my favorite, are you even getting these? do you even care?"
When approached, she lied and lied until I hit her with the evidence then admitted she did it. She said he never responded to any of them. I quickly replied...good for you I guess. She states she doesn't know why she did it. The disturbing thing is things are awesome between us.
They are not like one sided awesome. Sex is amazing, several noticeable, unfakeable o's...every time. The chemistry is fantastic.
Now she claims it could've been for several reasons. I was a super dick and non attentive, she wasn't paid any attention by her father and as a result thinks she has this need to gain attention from men, etc...
Now she also claims she doesn't know why she did it and had no intentions at all. If he had responded, she would've freaked out and probably ended it all.
She still works there and I've told her to quit because the fucking guy is 20 ft from her. She also has another guy who sits next to her who has placed his arm around her and said she was so cute, asked about walking out with her, asked her out after work, etc...but she still works there...after I've told her how torn it made me.
1. What do you think about that? What advice could you give me?
2. Do you think I should run for the hills?
3. Is this serious enough to tell someone to fuck off you love?
With a girl for 2 years...when I first met her, we were not serious and I was an ass to her. She did like phone sex with this guy in Michigan (700 miles away) and from time to time (I think because I was an ass) would actually interrupt our call to take his.
We became serious and that stopped. She sent an e-mail to him. 2 years later...she did something else.
She started working for a corporation...she made several comments about someone there, so I was a little suspicious. I put a keylogger on her computer and sure enough she created an e-mail account named workwyou@blah.com, the she used for the account was Someone Special. The e-mail I saw was, "blue shirt you were wearing...it's my favorite, are you even getting these? do you even care?"
When approached, she lied and lied until I hit her with the evidence then admitted she did it. She said he never responded to any of them. I quickly replied...good for you I guess. She states she doesn't know why she did it. The disturbing thing is things are awesome between us.
They are not like one sided awesome. Sex is amazing, several noticeable, unfakeable o's...every time. The chemistry is fantastic.
Now she claims it could've been for several reasons. I was a super dick and non attentive, she wasn't paid any attention by her father and as a result thinks she has this need to gain attention from men, etc...
Now she also claims she doesn't know why she did it and had no intentions at all. If he had responded, she would've freaked out and probably ended it all.
She still works there and I've told her to quit because the fucking guy is 20 ft from her. She also has another guy who sits next to her who has placed his arm around her and said she was so cute, asked about walking out with her, asked her out after work, etc...but she still works there...after I've told her how torn it made me.
1. What do you think about that? What advice could you give me?
2. Do you think I should run for the hills?
3. Is this serious enough to tell someone to fuck off you love?
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
In my opinon I don't think someone who is out there chasing someone else loves you enough to make it work. There should be no lame excuses for any behavior. If a person is committed to someone that means they foresake all others. I don't see that this has happened. I would count your losses and move on. Good luck
I think she needs to let go of her "crutch". You not paying attention to her is in the past yet she tries to use it to justify her current behavior. It's either she hasn't forgiven you for the bad treatment and her actions are some kind of passive agressive punishment or it's become a convenient excuse. Since she hasn't done anything physical (that you know of), I would insist that she go into counseling to explore her issues. Think about it...what kind of person continues to email someone who shows no interest in them? She has some serious insecurity issues. Turning to other men for comfort, attention, and validation is not the answer and you need to make it clear that you are not going to tolerate it. If she is unwilling to immediately stop the behavior and get professional help, I would leave.
2. Do you think I should run for the hills?
It depends on whether she is willing to fully commit to you or not. If she can't follow through on what you ask of her then yes, I would run for the hills. If you think this relationship could lead to marriage, do not propose to her and/or start or family until she has demonstrated over a long period of time (a year or more) that she has changed.
3. Is this serious enough to tell someone to fuck off you love?
If she shows an unwillingness to fix her issues, then yes, you need to get rid of her. She does not recognize that she is on a slippery slope and if she continues this behavior something physical WILL happen. She definitely needs to quit that job. If she's not mindful of these boundaries that should not be crossed though she will likely have these types of problems at the next job too. She needs to understand where this will lead if she continues on the path she is on.
If it doesn't, then yes, I would tell her to fuck off and move on.
My Exfiance carpet swept everything, never assured me it would not happen again, lied to me for almost a year, blamed me for almost a year after cheating on me, and then put some shit on adult friend finder, when the whole year I was REACTING to HIS actions.
I don't believe that someone who loves you will be out trying to have sex with someone else. It just doesn't exist in the same sentence, let alone literally. "Why yes, I love my boyfriend. Lets have sex!"
1. She did like phone sex with this guy in Michigan (700 miles away) and from time to time (I think because I was an ass) would actually interrupt our call to take his. TOTAL DISRESPECT REGARDLESS OF HER REASONS.
2. We became serious and that stopped. - HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE IT STOPPED?
3. she created an e-mail account - OBVIOUS INTENT TO DO SOMETHING SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE.
4. When approached, she lied and lied until I hit her with the evidence then admitted she did it. She said he never responded to any of them. - WHAT ELSE COULD SHE DO BUT ADMIT IT?
5. The disturbing thing is things are awesome between us. - HOW, WHEN SHE HAS REPEATEDLY ABUSED YOUR TRUST?
6. Sex is amazing, several noticeable, unfakeable o's...every time. - HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE ISN'T FAKING? TRUST ME IT ISN'T HARD TO DO.
7. Now she also claims she doesn't know why she did it and had no intentions at all. If he had responded, she would've freaked out and probably ended it all. - EXCUSE SOUNDS A LITTLE TOO CONVENIENT. IT'S EASY TO CLAIM WHAT YOU WOULD'T DO WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN AT THE IMMEDIATE POINT OF FOLLOW THROUGH.
8. She still works there and I've told her to quit because the fucking guy is 20 ft from her. She also has another guy who sits next to her who has placed his arm around her and said she was so cute, asked about walking out with her, asked her out after work, etc...but she still works there...after I've told her how torn it made me. - AGAIN, COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISREGARD FOR YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND YOUR TRUST IN HER.
Another question - is there any love in this relationship from either side? I ask because you didn't say one way or another.
It's easy to say what one should do, especially if the problem is not yours to deal with. The fact is, whether you realize it or not, you are very lucky you aren't married to this woman. if she is behaving this way now, can you imagine how much more painful and abusive her treatment of you would be AFTER you say "I Do"? I believe people can and do change, but are you willing to take however many years it will take for her to earn your trust? It doesn't matter how old or young you are, each day you waste waiting on her to act like an adult in a committed relationship (while she continues to flirt, email, and God knows what else with other men) is a day you cannot get back. There are some serious issues here that she needs to address in counseling. Addiction to "attention" is like any other addiction - until the addict own up to and seeks help, they will always have the addiction. If you continue on allowing her to basically do just what she wants WHEN she wants, you will continue to be her enabler. I don't mean to sound preachy. I just cannot help but wonder why you would continue to endure this. And her putting the blame on you for her actions is just low and selfish. Think about what you want in a partner and ask yourself if this is what you seek?