Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

separation or forgiveness

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have recently found out that my husband has been unfaithful to me.

We have had a rough ride in the last couple of years. I have forgiven him numerous time for not pulling his weight in our relationship, for breaking his promises, for hurting me physically when he had lost it during some awful rows.

I have been the breadwinner in the relationship and have supported his decision to quit work to go back to studying. But he had not been putting his heart in it and I feel really alone, facing the world and carrying the load on my own.

Now I feel extremely hurt and confused after I found an email he sent to an escort. One minute I want to give this marriage another chance, the next minute I don't know whether I would ever be able to get over this / forget his words in the email & whether he would ever change (not just regarding the infidelity).

Is there anyone out there willing to share their experience on either getting a divorce or getting back together to make the marriage work?

(all advice / sharing will be gratefully received. Please note that I may not be able to respond frequently as I do not have easy internet access at the moment)

Thank you all very very much
deleted_user
deleted_user
You might not like my advice, but I feel that if you are the only one putting on to keep this marriage and his not, then I feel you should go on with your life and let him go. I was married for 17 years, and it was hard for me to leave my husban. I have four wonderful kids, but I wasn't happy anymore so before I hurt him or make him unhappy I chose to give him a divorce. I just feel that if your husband can't control is ugly habits you should free him and find yourself someone that can give you the respect that you need.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Most of us here are still trying to work things out. Some of us are separated and/or divorced. Everyone's situation is different. How has your husband responded to this revelation? Is he remorseful? Is he willing to go to counseling? Is he willing to address HIS issues so that the relationship going forward can be better?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Peacemaker. Each situation is different. He needs to realize and change his behavior. Counseling is the first place I'd go. They have the tools and know how to help with that decision.

If he won't go to any counseling; maybe it is time to move on. Sounds like he may not want to change.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let me get this straight. He quit his job so he could go back to school. Now you support him. And he is using YOUR money to buy an escort? Oh honey...I hope you will not stand for this.

This makes you a walking doormat. Please stand up for yourself. Get help and walk out. He is abusing you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It sounds like you have given him so many second chances that it may be easier for you emotionally, spirtually, etc to keep giving him chances. For me the reason to stay was to find out if I could make this work. My husband had to give me access to every aspect of his life. He has to tell me where he's going, who's he talking to, etc. He has to let me know all of his actions online. At first he didn't realize how much of a betrayal I would take the online affairs. But now I feel that he's trully remorseful. He sees his errors and is activly doing steps to make me feel more at ease. If you're husband is trying then stay. If he's just continually not being an active member in your relationship you should find someone who will. But at the end of the day it's your choice and your life. Good luck!
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