I am getting better but i am having a sad afternoon. Sad that he could betray me and fall in love with another woman. Sad that our history and family just did not mean enough to him. Sad that he will never be a part of my life again. Sad that the birthdays, graduations marriages and births in our childrens lives are forever altered. Sad that i feel so much pain and he feels nothing. Sad that he really isn't a bad and terrible person...he just doesn't want me. Sad that i see him in my mind everywhere i go, he does not have that problem-he is happy with his new life. Sad that i know he will probably marry that woman because he wants to make her happy because they think they have done all this for true love. Sad that i am working my ass off trying and trying to feel good to see some positives in my life and he could not care less anymore. Sad that i must let go of the one thing that meant the most to me in my life so far without really understanding why. I can guess at the cause but it means nothing. Scared that i am going to feel all of this for a long long time. Angry because he is not. I was not worth fighting for. This ending in this way at this time in my life is truly shattering to me. It is a tragedy to me, i cannot run from it, escape it...it's real i wake up to it everyday and deal with it all day long and go to sleep with it every night. Sometimes i just yell at myself and tell me to get over it on with it and fight for me. If only i could maintain that.
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