Well yesterday was the 2 year anniiversary of my D Day and it was hell I kept qeustioning my worth and immaginig heim with her and I havent thought about it and then all the sudden yesterday it hits me like a brick wall. I cired and cired I kept looking at my beautiful 3 year old DD and 6 month old baby bhoy and thought if I would have left like I wanted to he wouldnt be here but now I cant imagine my life without him, I got pregnant for him 9 months after the affair was exposd well after the whore decided to call me and ruin my life because he cut it off. I cant even to this day have sex with my husband and feel comfortable I am soooo self concouis about my body that it is nausating. I cant go back I have to move forward I honestly sat and thought about backing my bags yesterday and leaving my babies and him behind and starting over I was angry with him thinking WHY What the hell did I do I took care of him like a baby I just turned 19 was raising a one year old working 40+ hours a week come home cook food for him clean his house, clothes and make sure I wake up at 3am to make food for 12 people so we would have a good life was I such a horrible wife I loved him and still do it just pisses me off so much I know I forgave him I need to get over it and I have but yesterday it seemed like it was the day playing over and over in my head. I still try and be a good wife well house wife he doesnt want me to work anymore he says it put a strain and that is why he cheated come on now! I forgave but I cant and wont forget and or trust him like I used to. He has tried so hard to prove to me he is tring but it still is hard.
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