Well i am sitting here at work unable to concentrate, shaking trying not to cry. the marriage is not salvageable. i tried. i gave every bit of myself and him every chance and he rejects me over and over in one way or another. i cannot do it again. his waffling is just another rejection. he will never feel the pain i feel. Nothing has changed in a year. His actions have not-but in the past he kept me hanging on by saying he was just not sure if he wanted a divorce. i wish i could hate him it would make it so much easier to bear. Today i keep remembering times when we laughed and had fun. too long ago. i did not do this i did not cause this yet i feel punished by it. he says he feels bad but it is just too late for us-he does not want to keep hurting me. i hate her for doing this to my family and i hope she feels great pain one day. it's just gone. all of it. i guess i am going to have to learn to be tougher minded when i get all emotional and feel so lonely for him. i wish i could just wipe this past year out of my life. Maybe i needed this to become stronger to realize i don't care enough about myself that i have value on my own, to learn to control my thoughts and emotions, to learn to let go, to learn not to trust blindly, i just feel so stupid right now...she is his boss and i just accused him of using her to get ahead on the job. it just sort of came out of my mouth. i don't think it's 100% true but as he is the one that always mentions money and not being where he should be financially in life and never having money to do anything-it has crossed my mind. Do you think someone could be that callous?
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