
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

deleted_user
Hello,
My wife cheated on me with two different men about 2-3 months ago.
My question is this:
If I want this to work out, but I am having a horrible time dealing with the imagery and thoughts of betrayal, is a revenge affair worth it?
I love my wife, but i cannot forgive her. I know it sounds SO STUPID and trust me, this is completely out of character for me to even think about this. But anyone that has been cheated on has thought about doing this, I am sure.
I just feel that if I feel "justified" I may be able to forgive her more easily. When I think of all the horrible things I found out about, I will have some of my own thoughts to counteract the feelings of being crapped on. I will be able to focus on other thoughts than the thoughts of being hurt.
I just wanted to know if anyone has done the "revenge" affair and worked through their marriage after.
The thought of doing this litterly makes me sick, and there is no way I would actually enjoy it. I love my wife, but I am having a terrible time letting this go. I know some of you may call me an asshole, or jerk for considering this, but like I said if you have ever been cheated on by your spouse, I am sure you have had the same thoughts at least once or twice. I just want to know if anyone out there has actually done it?
I just need advice, really.
Thanks for understanding.
~B
My wife cheated on me with two different men about 2-3 months ago.
My question is this:
If I want this to work out, but I am having a horrible time dealing with the imagery and thoughts of betrayal, is a revenge affair worth it?
I love my wife, but i cannot forgive her. I know it sounds SO STUPID and trust me, this is completely out of character for me to even think about this. But anyone that has been cheated on has thought about doing this, I am sure.
I just feel that if I feel "justified" I may be able to forgive her more easily. When I think of all the horrible things I found out about, I will have some of my own thoughts to counteract the feelings of being crapped on. I will be able to focus on other thoughts than the thoughts of being hurt.
I just wanted to know if anyone has done the "revenge" affair and worked through their marriage after.
The thought of doing this litterly makes me sick, and there is no way I would actually enjoy it. I love my wife, but I am having a terrible time letting this go. I know some of you may call me an asshole, or jerk for considering this, but like I said if you have ever been cheated on by your spouse, I am sure you have had the same thoughts at least once or twice. I just want to know if anyone out there has actually done it?
I just need advice, really.
Thanks for understanding.
~B
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(man, i suck at this whole givin advice thing)
If you don't mind me asking, did things work out? I am just asking because I need to know that there is hope, you know?
It takes a "big guy" to not even consider it, I respect you for that. I myself, never thought I could consider this, but it's hard right now.
Thanks.
i didnt cheat because i didnt want to lower myself to his standards but i kinda wanted to just so it could be like 'ok you did, it i did it lets start over' type deal but for us it just wasnt meant to be.
i sincerely hope you have a better result no matter what you eventually decide to do.
xox
Obviously infidelity is not something in your moral make-up. Not that there is ever an appropriate reason to have an affair, but a revenge affair is pretty bad. Don't become the thing you despise because you are probbaly going to end up hurting yourself more than her.
Here is what will happen: You have the affair and she finds out because the only way te revenge thing works is if she knows. She'll do one of two thigns- freak out on you and go out and screw more guys to get back at you which will make you feel worse; or she wont think it is too big a deal becuase she is already doing it and then go out and screw more guys thinking your behavior has justified it which makes you feel worse. Either way, you lose.
WHat is NOT going to happen- you do the revenge affair, she finds out and then is soooo heartbroken she vows never to be with another man if you take her back and blah blah blah.
Unfortuanely, if she is cheating with 2 guys, the cheating isnt about emotions-its about getting some on the side. Its who she is and it is going to continue.
Look, by doing the revenge affair you will become like her-you will become the thing you despise. You're better than that.
Leave her.
W
I think you said all you needed to say right there. Don't lower your moral standards and do something that would make you sick to get back at her. You're not crazy, sick or an asshole for having these thoughts. In fact, you are not the first person I've seen post this topic either. You'd be amazed at how common these thoughts really are among those of us who have been cheated on.
I know that it takes time to get past the thoughts. Sometimes, I try visual techniques to get images out of my head like I've imagined them getting slashed like in slasher movies, melting when water gets poured on them, poof - going up in smoke, I've imagined myself literally walking all over them. Someone else used an image of a big stop sign. Have you been to either individual or couples counseling to help work through this?
I'm not sure that you can know now how you'd really feel after having a revenge affair. Somehow, I don't think doing something that makes you feel sick will be all that helpful. I do understand the thoughts and feelings though. It will take time to work through them. I have heard from someone else on this board that the divorce rate for marriages where both spouses had an affair is like 85%.
You're a good guy. I'm sorry this happened to you too.
No...thats all just NO!