i have thought about it several times even dreamed about being with another man. i will admit i get a kick out of it when he tells me that he is afraid i will cheat, i say "so what if I do!" i am usually a t-shirt and sweats kinda girl, right after i found out, sometimes just to go to wal-mart i would shower, get cute and put on some smell good. i would make sure our son was in bed and i would leave, it would eat him alive. he would hide my keys, or parts of my clothes. it's funny how they can do it but we can't. bad part for them is if we did it they would never know unless we wanted them too. i would say don't do it, because you have morals and you will have to live with yourself everyday, plus then he may think you are even and that that lets him off the hook. i would say don't give him the satisfaction. let him live with what he has done to you and your family.

I have thought about it but would never do it. Whats the old saying...two wrongs don't make a right. You have already seen the pain an affair creates why would you try and recreate that again?

Sounds great except the whole time you are doing it, you will know how wrong it is for so many reasons. You will do more damage in the end. You already have enough to recover from. Oh... and don't forget... you are better than him! You want to keep it that way. The ball is in your court...keep it there!! You're doing great!

I feel the same way sometimes to but when it comes down to it I don't think I could.

That is definitely not a good way to rebuild trust -

Here is what I have had to think about when this urge comes up, which, unfortunatley is more often than I'd like to admit.
I am not a tramp. I will never be a tramp. I do not use people. If I had a revenge affair, and I'm sure plenty of men whould be alright with me saying, "I'm only in this for the sex" then I would lose who I am. I would use that person and no matter how willing he would be, in the end it tears apart his dignity, which is a trampy thing to do. I would minimize his being to one of pure pleasure and use and no one deserves that (even if they think its great!).
I also think of my children. I too will need to look them in the eyes at the end of my life and I pray I can be proud of the wife, mother and woman I have been throughout my life. If I can't get over this, and our marriage cannot be rebuilt, then I would prefer to walk away the "unsoiled" one.
Besides, I really don't want to "level up" with something I find so disrespectful and weak. I know this isn't really what you'll do, but the temptation is there, stay strong!!

I actually had an offer from my 1st ex husband - the ahole that cheated on me the first time - that if I wanted to get back at my current fiance that he was than willing to help me in that capacity. While the idea of it sounded appealing for that split second, because I know that my fiance HATES my ex and it would absolutely destroy him, I know that I wouldnt be able to hold my head up after doing that. (not to mention that sex with my ex does not sound appealing AT ALL)

I have had thoughts of getting into online dating to see what is out there though.

I meant that 'he was more than willing to help me out in the that capacity' I can't type tonight. :(

The though of a revenge affair occurs to me all the time,,Ive had a few opportunities but I have turned them down because I thought there may still be hope for my marriage, but now that I see she is hiding things from me again,,Im not so sure what to do..I will just have to make that decision when the time happens.

If you're at this point, why not just get out of the relationship and start over with someone new?

Don't do it! It's not going to make you feel better. It would feel good for about 2 seconds and then you will become just like him! If you have a conscience, you will only be adding to your pain.

Yah - the difference between cheating and not cheating - is being honest about it.
It's OK to wonder what it would be like...but you'd have to acknowledge you are letting go of your current relationship. At least to some degree - at least for awhile.
You could "take a break" or start over - in the same way you might IF you were single - you know - where you date different people to see whats out there and arent committed to any 1 of them....and see how it goes and if you fall for 1 of them...
but you'd have to be open to him doing the same....
If you do it for revenge - and it's an affair - you'd end up with someone who is WILLING to be with a married person.
DO YOU WANT to be with someone LIKE THAT?
They would be the same quality of person that your husband was with.
But you'd HAVE to tell them ---- you couldnt hide your relationship / situation...and just USE someone and mislead them.
That would be mean. Being hurt by someone doesnt make it ok to hurt someone else like that.
Im not saying you would or want to ....i'm just "thinking out loud" so to speak...

I also have thought about "getting him back" by cheating. I sometimes wonder if given enough alcohol if I really could? Then I think no way am I going down to his level! I am not a tramp like the ones he cheated with. Keep your head and morals high, you are the better person and that does count for something!

Hi Sally,
Please don't do it everyone here has alot of wisdom please take it all to heart. You are better than that. Someday your children will ask if you ever cheated on thier dad. You will then be able to look them in the eye and say NO. You will have won on so many levels.
Being able to look my son in the eye when he asks is the biggest reason I haven't. The temptation and opportunity is out there do not take the bait. God bless.

Over the course of the last three months of being seperated while my wife sleeps with another man I've come to realize that the high road is a freakin lonely, cold, and painful place. But it sure beats the hell out of the alternative. Be strong for your own self esteem and don't give him the power to take that away too.