...I would feel worse about myself and grossed out about having had sex with someone I really dont like that much, for using him, for degrtading myself at a time when I already feel "less than dirt".

My husband would think it was even,
"Okey dokey no more discussion about this. No more sad feelings, tears or moodiness. we are even!

But in reality, my husband would be feeling many of the feelings I am feeling right now, adding more stress, more anger and bitterness and more pain and grief to a pot already to full of pain to manage.
Nave

my husband told me that he knows that he deserves for me to cheat on him, but in the same breath he said that he would know that i just did it to get back at him. i also fear that he then will think we are even and that what he did is okay. i would not give him the benefit.

DON'T DO IT!!!!

cheating just to get even is so wrong... first off is it really cheating since your basically saying screw you its over and I can do what I want including sleeping with someone else...

secondly , it all good for you but what about the damage it would do to the person you would be using in this revenge.. and yeah you could do it back but it would never be like when they did it becuase they will know you are just doing it to try and get even and they could never feel the deep betrayal of thinking everything was going great and you both are so happy and then BAM you get hit with it..

I would never have and never suggest anyone have a revenge affair because its not the same ..

I agree that having an affair strictly for revenge wouldnt accomplish much...I mean if someone already cheated on you then obviously they dont care about you as much as you care about them and being cheated on probably wont affect them as much,,,however being cheated on destroys your self esteem, and if being with someone else makes you feel better about yourself and since one partner has already broken the marriage contract, then I see no problem with it. Why should I go on feeling bad about myself while she acts like nothing happened?

I understand wanting revenge, but like you I thought why lower myself, just to make a point that will end up hurting me more than him. I am hurting, but I choose to keep a level head about this. regardless of if he stays or leaves I still gotta live with me. That's just not who I am. I wish you well on whatever you decide

Nave, this is a very good question, but I would never consider a revenge affair...
Why do I want to put myself thur that?
I would never lower myself that way, because two wrongs would never make a right.... It would since be two wrongs...

Thanks very much for asking this!

I had a friend whose husband cheated on her the whole time they were married. Up until he died after 35 years of marriage. She cheated on him once and admitted it to him. He had the gaul to call her a Whore. Can you understand how she felt then? Sometimes it's a double standard.

BigDebbie, it is always a double standard, always has been and probably always will be....
Good luck to you.... Hope things work out for you..

Here's a little piece of justice for us Christians...
God says we can be granted a divorce only for the cause of infidelity. The innocent person can remarry without commmitting adultery. The guilty spouse is forbidden to remarry and is thus rendered celebate or damned. Sweet Justice. First bit of fairness I've seen in all of this. A revenge affair would of course void this arrangement.

No two wrongs dot make a right. I wouldnt lower my self to have a affair especially with the calibre of person they chose. I now feel i am lowering my standards and beliefs just by still loving him. He says he wouldnt blame me and that he wouldnt go off in the way i have because he wouldnt wat to lose me- What a silly man

I guess I am the dissenting vote here, I have no problem with it. Well, I say that, I know it's not right, and I don't care if she finds out. I'm open to it, haven't done it, not really pursuing it, but if the opportunity presents itself, I'm all for it.