Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I've never actually caught him cheating, he's talked with other women, he's used local singles chat lines, gotten girls' numbers, etc. Says he's never cheated. He knows I don't trust him. So yesterday morning he used the local singles chat line. I caught him by checking the up to date minutes on our cell phone's website. I bitched and yelled and made him feel horrible (or so I think).
I told him I didn't trust him and when he does that crap I can not believe that he may not meet one of the women some day. Everytime I ask him or bring up him maybe cheating he never says "no" or looks me in the eye, always said how ridiculas I sound and how could I ever think that.... HELLO! When you talk to other women I WILL ASSUME THAT!
He was only supposed to work yesterday morning but ended up working the whole day. Then we passed each other on my way home. He said he was going out for a few beers with a friend really quickly. I know he had no money, he said he said some quarters and change in his truck he could use.
He was gone for 2 1/2 hours, didn't answer his phone, never checked in, and some how had enough change to drink and play pool for hours? I bitched him out and still can get no confession. I called the girlfriend of the friend he was with. H said he was going to invite them for dinner before he had left. She said she had not heard anything about it, nor heard from her boyfriend.
I don't know what to do. If he's not cheating now, I know he has. How can I make him confess? It's not like he goes out very often but how can I pin it on him?
I told him I didn't trust him and when he does that crap I can not believe that he may not meet one of the women some day. Everytime I ask him or bring up him maybe cheating he never says "no" or looks me in the eye, always said how ridiculas I sound and how could I ever think that.... HELLO! When you talk to other women I WILL ASSUME THAT!
He was only supposed to work yesterday morning but ended up working the whole day. Then we passed each other on my way home. He said he was going out for a few beers with a friend really quickly. I know he had no money, he said he said some quarters and change in his truck he could use.
He was gone for 2 1/2 hours, didn't answer his phone, never checked in, and some how had enough change to drink and play pool for hours? I bitched him out and still can get no confession. I called the girlfriend of the friend he was with. H said he was going to invite them for dinner before he had left. She said she had not heard anything about it, nor heard from her boyfriend.
I don't know what to do. If he's not cheating now, I know he has. How can I make him confess? It's not like he goes out very often but how can I pin it on him?
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
HOW DO I MAKE HIM CONFESS?!?!?!
Tell him, it is insulting to you, inappropriate for a married person (what if you were doing it?), and you do not need the grief or the job of babysitting him. You will still need to babysit but the rules will be much clearer and easier to decipher. He either is on chat lines or isnt! Period!
My heart goes out to you..I know how you feel. Maybe a PI would be a good investment?
There is only one way to beat someone at their game: STOP PLAYING IT. You may not want to hear this, but you aren't going to get him to confess.
You are either going to have to spend your life doing tons of investigative work to catch him ( which will drive you crazy)
or you are going to have to threaten ( and mean it) that you are going to leave. The latter works a bit better.
Take it from someone who has been there, done that. When I tossed my ex fiance out and cut off all contact with him, the "truths" just started pouring out of his mouth.
Another thing that has been bothering me is I still have been trying to make love to him, and we get as far as foreplay for HIM and he goes. Doesn't even get me warmed up or get it in before he has an orgasam and rolls over. I have been taking care of my own business myself for months!
And it sounds like the reason your H just laughs is because he doesn't think you'll actually stand up for yourself. He can weather the storms of verbal attacks...but what will make him so uncomfortable that he will eighter fess up or change his habits? Try that.
You need to stop checking up on him. You are only going to drive yourself crazy and him. What you fear, you create. No one wants to live with big brother. Plus, you only make him more aware of how to HIDE it from you.
Also, have you ever really sat down CALMLY, NONJUDGEMENTALLY, AND NON ACCUSING, and asked him whats going on? The lack of sexual interest from him? Why does he feel the need to chat online with single women whom he has never met? Whats does he need that he is not getting? etc. Don't be hurt by his responses. If he is telling you how he FEELS, Let him tell you and tell you without consequence that hes not getting what he needs.
Next, if you can afford it, hire a PI. Even if you have to squirell away money every month to be able to afford it. If you can't hire a PI, STOP keeping TABS on him and change your approach.
For instance, he tells you he is going out with his buddies on such and such a date. You tell him LAST MINUTE, i mean as he is WALKING out the Door that you want to come with him. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If he does insist that he spend time with his friends alone - here is something to consider - He might just genuinely need to get away from you and the kids and have some "me" time.
95% of the time, if you think that he is cheating, he probably is. but on that 5% chance that he is not - you need to get a grip. Get ahold of yourself. You do not need to keep "heavy tabs" on him. It has not been effective in proving anything! Ask yourself: Are you insecure? Are you overly jealous? No offense, but you sound like a real nightmare to live with and if I were him, I would want to have my "guy time" to get away from you too. you say you dole him out an allowance for the things that he needs and thats it - is he your teenage child or he is your husband? Your EQUAL partner in life.
My boyfriend and I have a joint bank account. I work. He works. We combine everything for the joint responsibiltiy of paying the bills, and building a life for ourselves. But if he even remotely tried to give me an allowance, or dictate to me who I can/can't talk to, where I can/can't go, and that I need to contantly VERIFY my whereabouts - I'd tell him to shove it. To me, thats sufficating!!! Does your husband even have the freedom and confidence to tell you that hes not coming home after work immediately because he needs a little time to himself?
That being said: Don't make threats and ultimatiums that you are not prepared to follow through on. That only undermines the entire relationship and makes the both of you feel worse. If he IS cheating, this environment that you both are creating is not conducive to open communication. What if he did cheat but wants to work it out? You aren't really providing him with any incentive to come clean. Sorry if I sound harsh but its just my experience.
You have to use a tough love approach with him otherwise he will continue to have affairs right under your nose for years and you will only have a marriage in name only.
It sounds like you REALLY need proof for yourself before you confront him or feel strong enough to give him an ultimatum and leave. So....you need to think of ways to get that proof. Can you get his cell phone records? There was a post on here a week ago about exactly what kind of spy ware to put on the computer. Can you afford a private investigator? Can you ask your family for money for this? They may be willing to help you with two babies in the house. You could put something on his car to track where he is. Or you could line up friends to help watch the kids at a moments notice so that you can follow him. Does he always go to the same places? Do you live in a small town? He probably assumes you can't leave because of the babies...
One thing for sure-he is NOT treating you with the respect you deserve. I hate to say it but he is probably cheating or very close to it-he's lookin.... You need proof to confront him and a plan for what you will say, what you will do and you have to mean it. So for now, its probably best to say nothing until you have a plan in place.It's terrible isn't it? To have to become a detective? But, you need to know to try to fight for your marriage and your babies.Tough love....