It's been awhile since I've been on the site or even posted a topic for that matter. My H was caught cheating on me about a year ago. We've been through the ringer and have been working very hard at making our marriage work out. I ask myself every day, "How could he do that to me ever again...right?". Here we are a year later and as a surprise, we are expecting our second child. If it were asked of me I would always say that a second child is no way possible anytime soon, especially since after the birth of our first child is when the affair started. I want to believe we are 100% in a better place than we were a year ago and I think that he feels the same. But a baby? Well, god has surprised us and we are expecting. But as the hormones are roaring, I cannot help but worry that he's going to stray again. I keep going back to how I was feeling a year ago and now knowing that he was cheating on me then. Whenever something happens or a topic comes up, like Mother's Day for instance, I immediately go back to last year in my mind and start getting really upset because it was last year at this time that he was secretly meeting and talking to the OW. My therapist explained that the first year after is going to be tough - but now being w/child, I am having a really hard time getting past everything...again. I feel like I was on a great path to putting everything in the back of my mind and not thinking about it as much, but now I can't stop. I'm sure there is really nothing that can magically make me feel better, but just wanted to share.
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Can this type of betrayal ever TRUELY be forgiven??? Or is this whole process a exercise in futility?Can hate for a person and love for a person coexist????Can one experience forgiveness of self if they are never forgiven by a spouse?Is true forgiveness a matter of degree??? How does unconditional love fall into this equation???Can anyone tell I am feeling extremely defeated today???
I know it doesn't sound fair, but have you ever put bait out there to see if your cheating spouse would take it? What were the results? I'm thinking of it to see what kind of man my H really is.