I don't know where to begin! It seems as though I have so much to say for anyone to truely understand where I am coming from and my situation! But, in a nutshell, I have been married to a wonderful man for 15 years. We have had hard times, especially regarding control from my parents, but for the most part, I have viewed our marriage as good. We married young and I feel like we have grown up together. He is my best friend and we have been very good parents and are both successful professionally. However, the last few years have been difficult. In the last 5 years, my grandmother and mother have passed, my uncle was made a paraplegic in a motorcycle accident, I was in a severe automobile accident and both my husband and I have struggled with physical issues. Our relationship began very passionately but over time our connection seemed to grow stagnant. My husband has told me several times, in the last few years, that he is not happy but it was always during an argument and I figured that he said it becasue he was mad. He often said that I don't give him enough attention and he wished I would just sit with him for a while. I always assumed that it was just my personality not to be overly touchy and to feel the constant need to be doing something rather than just being with him. In addition, over the last 2 year, my husband has been experiencing some unexplained physical symptoms. We have been to every specialty doctor out there only to find no answers. During this time my husband frequently said that I wasn't there for him. I did not understand why he would say this when I was the one who sheduled his appointments and was there at them with him. Well, I recently began hormone replacement therapy and in the last few months have found that the motor that seemed to keep me rushing around, the constant exhaustion, and the inability to be physiaclly intimate (not just sex-our sex life was, up until a year ago, still pretty good) with my husband was a result of a severe lack of both estrogen and progesterone. Well, as I began to bloom emotionally, I recently found out that my husband has been having an affair, while I have been "checked out." He found someone who he found alot in common with, who was loving and patient and was there for him the way he needed while he's been going through these physical symptoms. The difficult part is that he has know this woman for 2 years and the relationship has been more than platonic for over a year. My husband has explained that he never stopped loving me but that he is now, also, in love with this woman. He has asked me to be patient while he sorts through his emotions to determine what route he feels he needs to take. He says that he is very confused and in pain because he loves us both and cannot imagine life withour either of us. As he explained it, it was like, when I was "checked out" that he was so unstable that he was on a rocky pilar (me) and along came another more stable pilar (her) but he can't imagine letting either of us go, or he might fall to his death. And to complicate things I have "returned" emotionally and am now beginning to give him some of the things that had been missing since we first met. He doesn't want to hurt either of us and knows that this can't go on forever. He is not sure if we are meant to be and this is just a bump in the road of our marriage or if she is really who he is meant to be with. He says she is not a bad person and in fact cries nightly about what she is doing to me. She has been through alot; she has lost 2 husbands to death and she is only 35, my age. However, I can't help feeling like she is keeping my husband from me and I am resentful! If she is such a great person, how can she do this to another woman when she's experienced loss herself? This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do! I don't want to lose him! He is an excellent father, has always been there for me, has always said that I am beautiful, and is sensitive. Crazy as it sounds, I am actually trying to be patient with him and give him the time to sort through his feelings becasuse I feel like I had a role to play in this, as well. It is never just one person! I am hoping that in the end that he will see that our marriage and family is worth saving, we also have 2 children, but I do not know long I can live like this! The time he is away from me is unbearable because I know he is with her and I constantly question what she has that I don't that keeps him so tied to her and unable to just let her go. Has anyone out there ever been in my shoes? HELP!
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