Hi, I am a stay at home mom. My husband and I have been married for 22 years. We have a beautiful wonderful 8-yr old son who is the light of our lives. We waited a long time for him through infertility and I had 4 miscarriages as well. Over the last several months, I have noticed that my husband is "NOT PLUGGED In" to our family. We ask him to go for walks with us, to the movies, mini-golfing, but he always says no. He spends his free time sleeping in the bedroom, reading, or playing games on the computer (in a room by himself). We do not have much of a family time, and it breaks my heart that it seems like he doesn't care. It's ironic because he is always asking why parents can't be good parents to their kids (he works with kids), yet he doesn't see what he is doing himself. Our son NEEDS his dad to be involved. I must note my husband is seeing a psychiatrist for depression and is on medication for that. He has also been for counselling for depression, but that ended a few months ago. I believe part of the reason he sleeps 14-hr days is because he is depressed, which I have been a big advocate for him getting help for that. I am the one who found him a doctor. And I have set up an appt at a sleep clinic for him next week. Well, here is the saddest and most shocking of the news: Last night, I went onto his private email account through his work website which I have never done, and legally am not entitled to do. I don't even know why I did it - I guess I was just looking for something that may be was going on at work that would help explain his absentia from us. I was horrified to find about 50 emails back and forth between him and an old college girlfriend. Keep in mind they are now 55 years old. He is telling her he misses her, he wishes he could give her a hug, how her emails brighten his day, she is talking about the problems she and her husband are having (one good thing - he does not mention anything about our relationship. But in a way, it's almost as if I don't exist! and she knows I do!) and he ends all his emails with "ToY" which Iknow means 'Thinking of You.' From the emails I determined that they met with each other last summer while he was visiting another college pal (man) we both know well. I'm not sure what happened with this woman. But in one email,this woman appeared very mad that my husband didn't get in touch with her while our family was away for a week in the summer. She said "you're not getting a get out of jail free card." Don't I mean anything to you? He wrote back saying of course she means so much to him,and he apologized and said there was no internet access where we were. I am so angry and hurt. I don't know what to do. This explains the distance he has set up for himself between us. I just feel so badly for our son - to do this to him is dispicable. I don't know what to do. I cannot tell him that I snooped on his private work website -I had to figure out the passwords myself. He would be in trouble at work also, as this site is supposed to be very secure. What do I do??? Do I go on pretending I didn't see anything? Do I give out hints? I have been up all night crying. Any advise from you wonderful friends will be so welcome. Thank you.
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