Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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deleted_user 03/26/2007

I have read that some people have pushed their friends away to work on their relationships. Has that helped?

Do you think its possible to have friends of the opposite sex? I am talking totally platonic.

Can you have male friends/female friends? Does your spouse/b-f/g-f/life partner get jealous of your opposite sex friendships? Is their a reason they get jealous? Do oppoisite sex freindships have damaging effects on a marriage?

I think that it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex. One of my best friends in a man I have known for almost 25 years. He ws my orientation leader when I started college. We were friends from the day we met. We have introduced each other to our b/f's and g/f's all thru college. We have just always been there for each other. Good times, bad times and just plain ole ugly times. He was at my 1st wedding, he was at the hospital when I had my 1st child, he was with me when I buried my 1st husband. He has met my current husband. He comes to visit us about 3 times a year. He visits my parents and also my brother. My entire family loves him like he is one of us. He was also at the hospital when I had my other children. We talk on the phone, e-mail and even snail mail. he sends birthday cards and gifts to all my kids. He has always adored my parents and my parents have always adored him. I was at his wedding and also at the hospital when his child was born. I was also there for him when his marriage ended. He is not my only friend, but he is my ONLY TRUE MALE friend.

My husband doesnt think that some women should be friends with men. My husband doesnt have any female friends, just married male friends. My H is however, friendly towards his married friends wives.

deleted_user 03/26/2007

I forgot to add, he is my only true male friend. My HUSBAND is my best friend.

deleted_user 03/26/2007

unsuspecting, I think men and women can be friends. If the marriage is strong and both partners are strong, it shouldn't matter. Most men and women are still somewhat insecure. I believe it is fundemental in a marriage to rely on your spouse for intimate support. If you are getting that from someone else, it definately opens the door for an affair or emotional disconnection to occur. Friendships can occur, but should not in any way replace what we are supposed to be giving and receiving from our spouses.

deleted_user 03/26/2007

Yes I think men and women can truly be friends. My best friend is a guy and I have known him since I was in 3rd grade. I tell him everything and he helps me. He is also married and his wife and I are friends. There has never been any attraction there even when we were in high school together. He has been my rock and we will be friends long after my H. I actually dont think my H and I were ever friends.

deleted_user 03/26/2007

I don't know if a man/woman can be friends if they are close to one another all the time and it not interrupt in to their marriages or other relationships. I do have a long lost friend from about 17 years ago that I worked with and we dated one time and only kissed one time and that was it, we both knew we could only be friends. He joined the marines and then married and divorced and had a child later with another lady and I haven't heard from him in over a year. My husband didn't "mind" me exchanging letters in the mail with him since he wasn't here locally anymore, but he didn't really like that I felt the need to talk to another man like that. I really shouldn't have that need and should only want my husband as my male peer IMO.

deleted_user 03/26/2007

I think the only way to have a friend of the opposite friend is he/she is a "family" friend meaning that he/she is friends with both people in the marriage. The marriage needs to be strong and there needs to be definite boundaries to what you share with this friend. If you find yourself talking more intimately to your friend than your spouse there is trouble brewing. My stbx says his now girlfriend was only his friend. I tried to save the marriage but like the saying goes "two is company, three is a crowd". It is hard to keep a marriage together when you spend all of your time with your "friend".

deleted_user 03/27/2007

anyone can have friends of the opposite sex it is just not right when that person takes time away from your wife/husband. When they over step the bounds and make you lie about where you have been so not to make someone mad . Then its wrong

deleted_user 03/27/2007

I did push my guy friend away for a little bit so I could focus on fixing my marriage. We're still friends today, and while my husband will never be friends with him, he knows that nothing is going to happen again.

I do admit it is hard sometimes to keep my feelings platonic with him. I get really irritated with the girls he dates because they're not right for him. Part of it is because I want him with the best girl. The other part is because I'm jealous that they're spending more time with him than me. But despite that, it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex, and be strictly platonic. It just takes some work.

deleted_user 03/27/2007

All my life, my only friends were males, with a few females thrown in here and there- and they were ALL platonic.

When I went to college, I made new male friends, and they were all platonic except one. I kept those friends ( except the non platonic one) while I dated the guy that cheated on me. Once he moved in, I stopped talking to them because he had problems with them.

Wont be doing that again soon. I can talk to my male friends if I want to. They were never detrimental to my relationships- in fact, WARNED me not to get into this one. :)

deleted_user 03/27/2007

My husband has a female best friend. I never met her face to face, but he talked about her and her family a lot. When her husband cheated on her we gave her some money to pay a bill and she obviosly cried on my husbands shoulder. Friendship turned to an affair. She is still with her husband. How stupid am I?!! We had 35 years of a pretty good marriage.

deleted_user 03/27/2007

I think it's appropriate to keep friends of the opposite sex when you're married when you make them friends of the marriage. If the spouse is very jealous of an opposite sex friend, and it really is platonic and there is no sexual attraction, then I think that is just too bad and the spouse is being ridiculous. However if there's a sexual attraction that the spouse can sense, then I think that's a little more than friends and maybe there's an agenda there. I always seem to have more male friends than female. What I did though is I invited them over so they could meet my H and this way we could all be friends. My H likes women and always has a lot of female friends at work but he never did the same, never invited them when we entertained, so I didn't meet them. Now I realize that's a red flag.

deleted_user 03/27/2007

I must live in a different world. I do get along well with most women. But, I would never consider having one as my best friend. If it is a mutual friend that comes to see my wife and me, that's fine. But, I could never even imagine another woman coming to visit me.

My wife and I were both taught to try to avoid situations that could lead to affairs. Close friendships can lead to affairs, I've seen it over and over again. My wife got too close to a coworker and they had an affair. She wasn't even attracted to him. He just started meeting some needs. I certainly don't want her seeking male comfort anytime soon.

I guess my feelings are pretty strong on the subject. If many of you out there can manage friendships where neither of you are attracted to the other, then go for it. But, I really disagree that when a spouse has a problem with a friendship that it should continue. That's definitely a problem waiting to grow. I'm not saying anyone should tell you who to be friends with. But, when my wife has asked me to stop females from coming to the house or calling, then it stopped. A few ladies in the past have tried to do that, but I asked them to not do it any more. It wasn't good for my family and I wasn't interested in a friendship. Ironically, my wife was the one who had an affair.

deleted_user 03/27/2007

I forgot to say earlier that I think as long as the friend is a friend with both the people in the marriage then it would probably be okay. I just feel like a person can never know what the other person is truly thinking and you may get close to someone of the opposite sex thinking they are totally platonic and just a friend and they may be thinking something else is hopefully going to come of your relationship somewhere down the road. It's just not safe IMO.

deleted_user 03/28/2007

Of course men and women can be just friends..but the relationship needs to be completly out in the open..no secrets. But you have to make sure this friend is not taking ANY time away from your husband,,he has to be first...also you have to remember that even with a friend there are things you shouldnt discuss or do with him...if your able to do that then I see no problem with it.

deleted_user 03/28/2007

I have recieved a few messages over this post. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood my post. I know the messages were meant out of kindness, a warning even in some messages.

This man is a friend, we have never dated (unless you count double dates where he had g/f and I had b/f). For those that actually asked, we have never seen each other naked. We have never been more than friends.

He spends as much time with my H as he does me, my parents and my brother's family. My H treats him like he does my actual brother. My H considers him a great friend to both of us and our family.

I believe that men and women can be friends. I know they can be.

deleted_user 04/03/2007

My husband wouldn't allow me to have any male friends. I went to military school most of my friends were male. I didn't ever sleep with any of them. My husband told me that a female friend to a man is just someeone he hasn't slept with yet! How befitting, when at first he was dening the affairs and calling these women just friends.

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