Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
How do you get it back?
How can you prove to the person you've betrayed how much you love them?
I've given him time, and space. I've cut off contact with not only the people I cheated with, but with my friends, my family (except for my kids) and even a friend who was there for me when I needed some advice, but who kept hitting on me.
I changed jobs so that I'd be home every night and not away on a project somewhere.
I think he was on his way, but then we went out one night to a pub. We were with a friend, but when we went into the pub, one of the men I'd fooled around with was there. My husband had asked me to tell him if we ran into anyone, so I did. He stared at this other man, and followed him as we left. Our friend kept asking him not to start anything, I just sat there shaking; I was terrified.
We walked out and he followed the guy, and walked up to him. I couldn't stand it, and went around a corner to cover my ears with my arms and crouch into a little ball. My husband attacked the other man, but he was there with a friend, and the friend jumped in. Our friend had left me and gone to where my husband was, and got involved as well.
When they came back, he was furious: asking where was I? I should have been by his side, he said, backing him up, but instead I was cowering behind a corner.
He despises me now.. he stays at our friend's house every night, and is rude and hurtful to me when he does have some contact with me.
He came home a couple nights ago and slept next to me. Not because he wanted to, but because there was going to be a delivery the next day and he wanted to be home for it. He was asleep, and snuggled with me all night. I was so happy. He even kissed me when he was half-asleep.
He texted me later that day to tell me not to get my hopes up; he'd only given me that kiss because he'd thought he was sleeping next to our friend, and thought he was waking up to her. He only realized his mistake when he was fully awake.
What can I do? I want him to forgive me so much. I want him to love me so much. It hurts so much that he hates me, and even worse that he doesn't care about me. I screwed up again and sent a message to the friend who had been hitting on me the first day of my new job, letting him know I'd gotten one. My husband saw the message when he was checking my email trash folder, and it's just like everything else I do: it pissed him off again. It pisses him off that I'm even breathing.
I just don't know what to do, how I can fix this, how I can get him back. I love him so much I'd do anything.
How can you prove to the person you've betrayed how much you love them?
I've given him time, and space. I've cut off contact with not only the people I cheated with, but with my friends, my family (except for my kids) and even a friend who was there for me when I needed some advice, but who kept hitting on me.
I changed jobs so that I'd be home every night and not away on a project somewhere.
I think he was on his way, but then we went out one night to a pub. We were with a friend, but when we went into the pub, one of the men I'd fooled around with was there. My husband had asked me to tell him if we ran into anyone, so I did. He stared at this other man, and followed him as we left. Our friend kept asking him not to start anything, I just sat there shaking; I was terrified.
We walked out and he followed the guy, and walked up to him. I couldn't stand it, and went around a corner to cover my ears with my arms and crouch into a little ball. My husband attacked the other man, but he was there with a friend, and the friend jumped in. Our friend had left me and gone to where my husband was, and got involved as well.
When they came back, he was furious: asking where was I? I should have been by his side, he said, backing him up, but instead I was cowering behind a corner.
He despises me now.. he stays at our friend's house every night, and is rude and hurtful to me when he does have some contact with me.
He came home a couple nights ago and slept next to me. Not because he wanted to, but because there was going to be a delivery the next day and he wanted to be home for it. He was asleep, and snuggled with me all night. I was so happy. He even kissed me when he was half-asleep.
He texted me later that day to tell me not to get my hopes up; he'd only given me that kiss because he'd thought he was sleeping next to our friend, and thought he was waking up to her. He only realized his mistake when he was fully awake.
What can I do? I want him to forgive me so much. I want him to love me so much. It hurts so much that he hates me, and even worse that he doesn't care about me. I screwed up again and sent a message to the friend who had been hitting on me the first day of my new job, letting him know I'd gotten one. My husband saw the message when he was checking my email trash folder, and it's just like everything else I do: it pissed him off again. It pisses him off that I'm even breathing.
I just don't know what to do, how I can fix this, how I can get him back. I love him so much I'd do anything.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I do not believe that the people that cheat realize how deeply this type of betrayal damages their spouse. It is emotional murder. Without trust, a relationship can seem dead and not worth continuing.
Best of luck as you try to move forward.
Go to counseling with your husband or by yourself and find out why you are doing this....
I wish you the very best wishes, and hugs for your husband!
I think the others are all right. I have been in counselling with the hubby for a few months and only because of it, I can see he is a good person who did a bad thing. It was his choice, it was his decision and yes it impacted me and my life. The love trust and hope for our future, were all destroyed because of selfishness and disregard for me.
He needs some help to see that things can be better than they were before you cheated and you need some help in understanding what he's going through. Believe me you will never know the pain and anguish he feels every night when he tries to sleep and you're not there or every morning when you're not there. Add to that that he has had to lower his pride and (correct me if I am wrong) move out of your home and find somewhere to live. His ego and sense of security have all been shattered.
Start going to counselling without him if you need to and ask him to come with you when he's ready. The first thing I said to the counsellor was, I want to stop hating my hubby as it was consuming me and destroying me. All I wanted was to be friends again, and if this works out who knows what the future will hold. It's been 6months almost for my situation and I am only just beginning to think there is a possibility of something more than a friendship.
Hubby gets frustrated and upset every day because he wants things to be fixed and over and done with every day. But you know what, that's his problem to deal with not mine.
You need to do whatever he needs you to do to help him to move on. This stopped being about you the moment you made a decision that affected him. Think about it however you need to, but he needs, patience, time and love.
He came back a few nights ago and slept next to me and kissed me because he thought it was her. It was almost as bad as when he woke up next to me on our wedding day and called me by her name because he thought he was with her.
I've been putting up with so much. I let him call me the most horrible things, I let him see her whenever he wants to, I let him hit me even.
GinaB: you're right that I shouldn't have messaged someone who had hit on me, I'd just wanted someone to be happy I'd finally found a new job. My husband wasn't. In fact when I left for the interview, I didn't get a "good luck" or even a "good bye" I got a "f*ck off".
His mom had texted me to ask when I'd start and he wouldn't let me reply to her, and has forbade me from even contacting her or speaking to her.
I'm in another country, away from family and friends and I have no one but him. I've made friends with his OW, and fortunately he hasn't stopped me from talking with her. I think the fact I can still talk with her makes it easier that he's with her.
She keeps telling me to keep my chin up; that they're only friends now and she's telling him he needs to sort it out and to give him time to get over what I've done. But he's not using his time away from me to get over what I've done; he's using it to get over me. Period.
I'd move anywhwere with him, in fact we'd been planning on moving back to the states together in a couple years, but I'd start packing tomorrow to go to ao new place where we could have a fresh start together. He'd like a fresh start, I just think he'd like it without the together part.
I've been having suicidal thoughts, this is so hard for me to bear. I love him so much, and want so badly to make things right.
you both have cheated on each other to no end and there were what 7 or 8 pages of advice that neither of you thought were good enough..
I had some really good advice I was going to give you but not sure that I trust that you are serious... if this is another ploy by the 2 of you to upset the wonderful people on this site you guys are sicker then I thought
He posted here for help, got some good advice, but also got a lot of negative advice which put his back up. I'd replied defending him because people had assumed by the tone of his post he wasn't sorry for what he'd done. He was. Not sure if he still is, but when he'd told me about it, I believed him, and believed he was sorry.
I'm posting here now because I'm at a loss: I dont' know what to do, and I'm getting desperate. I'm grateful to those who have replied: there is some very good advice, and some encouraging words.
Breea: I can know what it's like when the person you love, the person you give up your family, your life, and even your children for crushes your heart. He did it to me.
Mine wasn't an ongoing thing... I'd come home from a week away (for work) and found lyrics to a love song on my computer, and another woman's hair in my bed after 2 weeks of marriage. When I went away again for 3 days, I decided that after being here in front of his face for 6 months and having him be in love with someone else the whole time, spending every weekend with her, and pushing me off on my friend because he felt guilty about leaving me to sit at home while he was out with her, maybe I could have a little fun on the side.
I had a one-night stand with someone while I was away, and had no intention of continuing, (he slept with her in my bed again while I was gone) but then a couple weekends later my friend he'd been pawning me off on invited me out two nights instead of one. He'd spent the entire time I was here not wanting to be with me. How was I to know he had changed his mind and actually wanted to at that point?
So he told me he'd be sleeping at her house all weekend, and I was angry at him for that, and met someone else while out who I saw a couple times that weekend, and another man I fooled around with but didn't sleep with. This was one weekend, and then he found a message from the man I saw a couple times and it all exploded.
it wasn't until a week later he came clean and admitted what I'd been suspecting all along: that he'd been having an affair with his "good friend" for almost the entire time we were engaged.
you guys are dangerous for each other..neither of you respects the other..you guys are in a vicious cycle and your relationship is not healthy for either one of you..
the only advice I have to offer is to just write it off save up money and move back home and take care of yourself and your child..
You slept with your ex-husband 3 months in, you had phone and webcam sex with someone from a website I introduced you to on the webcam I bought you, you slept with a sailor when at work in seattle, and this is after you kissed the other guy in the airport that you WERE gonna let f**k you in the toilets but didn't because you had a plane to catch.
You took a trip to AZ I payed for and was planning on meeting the guy you had phone sex with behind your ex-husbands back whilst there.
Shall I stop now? No don't think I will.
You got here and I didn't make it easy, but we got married and it felt serious, you saw the fu**ing letter I sent to Donna to say it's over I'm sorry, I DO think I love her and want it to work, shortly after that letter, you slept with the barman on the work trip, this being the same work trip if gave you 200 for so you could have a 'little fun' while you were there.
A week later, you came back, met a guy you're slut of a friend introduced you to, and had his dick in your mouth within a few hours of meeting him, then the following day, you invited a different guy in to our house, when I SPECIFICALLY said not to, AFTER you bought the other guy (your slut friends ex) in to our house so you could go to a nightclub with him.
And you brought him in because he had coke, then you sat kissing him on the sofa, then sucked his dick in the hallway, the following day, I left for work, and you went back to the guy from Friday and sucked his cock again, then the following Wednesday, you left after I left for work to meet the guy from Friday and Sunday, and you went back, kissed him first then fucked him.
This is of course, you turned to me, and I LOVE this part and before I left the house, you said, I love you and can you borrow ten pounds for later, which turned out to be so yo could get a cab back from fu**ing the guy.
YOU ARE SCUM.
I went to the other woman after 9 god damned months of giving you every last drop of love I had, and you ignoring it because you seemed more interested in your fu**ing collection of internet fanboys.
And after I forgave you of all of that... you went out and sat and made your new 'friend' who just happened to like hitting on you, and you so readily tolerated insulting me behind my back.
Is it any wonder I FU**ING HATE YOU?