It definitely takes time. I don't know how long it has been for you, but it has been 13 months since d-day for me and while I'm not over the pain, I can change my thoughts to other things now. I'll go for a walk, do some work around the house or work on my writing.

I know it's hard. It used to paralyze me at first, but I had a good therapist. That was a huge help.

I hope this helps somehow. I wish you the best.

Reil

It can take years. So hang in there.

Infidelity is probably the most difficult betrayal to overcome. It must be doubly difficult for you as technically you had two close people cheat on you. I'm so terribly sorry for the pain you must be going through. There are those here (like me) who stayed with the spouse after cheating and those (like you) who chose to split. I don't know if it makes it easier get over the betrayal if you divorce. In hindsight I wish I had divorced. I might then have had the chance to meet someone more worthy of me and found the happiness for which I've always longed.

I notice that your sister had lived with you since she was ten. Are you sure nothing happened with her when she was a minor? Your X sounds like a real piece of work and that kind probably wouldn't hesitate to venture into that territory. Even if not, he's not worth wasting your nerves on.

One last thing to keep in mind; don't turn this hurt inward against yourself. As is always the tendency in the ones betrayed you start questioning your own worth. You keep trying to figure out what it is YOU did wrong to make this happen. The ONLY thing you did wrong was make an error in the judgment of the character of the man you married--the rest of the blame is on HIM.

I am very sorry for the pain you are going through. I share your feelings, and believe that most of the others here do too.

Right after D-day the Dr offered some meds to help. I took an anti-anxiety / depressant to cope when the feelings got overwhelming and then stopped as I thought I had it under control. More "events" occurred and I couldn't cope and went to see a Psyc. He prescribed a anti depressant and anti anxiety med. Both helped reduced the pressure. I started out a 10mg and over 1.5 ys think I stabilized at 40mg. I would talk to your Dr, for some help with this as well as counseling.

Even now the feeling of wanting the hurt to stop is very intense on occasion but as you said, I need to be strong for my daughter. Take one day at a time and focus on what you need to do for them and you.

Take care of your self,
SoulStorm

Healing takes time...Everyone is different. Try to keep yourself busy and if needed, talk to a counselor. I know it's hard, especially since the other women is your little sister. I still get thoughts in my head too. One thing that helps me is this... If I sit hear and dwell and cry about the situation, than I am allowing this other women to affect me and she is winning. I know, in time, God will help all of us heal our hurt. My prayers are with you.

Hello lisaadfw
What a dreadful thing to happen to you; one can only imagine the turmoil that you are going through. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal to one's W/H but with your Sister; this is more cruel that I can ever imagine.
I think dumbdoormat says it all and of course every message here will help and comfort you.
It takes time and try not to expect too much of yourself. On day at a time is enough to cope with and try not to think in the long term; this won't help.
I hope that there is someone close to you that can support and listen to you, I'm sure this is what you need right now.
We are all here for you. And of course we all have experienced this pain.
Kind regards and hugs to you
A

I am so sorry for your pain. I know it has been 20 months since I found out and I still hurt like I just found out. You have been delt a double blow with your husband & sister. I am sorry, I can't imagine a sister doing that to another sister. I am amazed when another woman has an affair with a married man because of the sisterhood of women, but blood----errrr sorry. You hang I there, you did nothing wrong, You have morals & values something the other two have no clue what it means. GOOD LUCK !!!

Will it ever stop hurting? It lessens over time. It will be two years this April for me (we broke up immediately after I found out). I have finally within the last little few months gotten to the point where I can talk about it, them, him, without fighting back tears. I still think about it a lot, less than I used to. It sucks that this happened to me, to you, to all of us. I am so sorry you have to go through it, but it DOES get better with time. I am the one giving this advice now rather than being the person who is asking for advice. Never thought I'd get here, but so thankful that I am. Take care of yourself. xo.