Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Here's my story.. 3 months ago, I caught my H in an emotional A (or so he says). Of course, he says it's over, there's no more contact, etc.... Do I believe? They work together. Next, I'm nuts..everything he says and does, I question. There's no just hearing what he has to say and/or does (or doesn't do) that doesn't have a hidden agenda. I'm pissing him off left and right; then I get scared that his going back (if he truly has left). Does this drive you nuts if you have stopped? If you haven't stopped, does it piss you off too, that you are questioned and we still keep bringing it up? You see, we (the victims, if I can say that)can't help ourselves. Most of us (at least me) are of not sound mind and body. You get pissed and walk away; don't you know that we just HURT!! and can't help it? The funny thing is.. most of us, or so it seems, want our marriages to work. We really do love you cheaters and want to forgive and move on. The problem is, we can't trust; and you can't accept that (even though you are the ones that violated that trust). Is it sooo hard to be compassionate, work for the realtionship (meaning a little extra romance/attention)? After all, you made this situation be. I know, I don't want space. I want to be smothered by love; because that's what I lost. Is it too hard to understand that? Help me to know what's going on in your mind. Do I just kiss my H's ass and act like all is good in my life? Do I just act like, o well, bummer... he had an A... woe is me?
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I work with a guy whom I had an A with, and one of our big issues is contact. Of course I know I don't want to talk to this scum bag, but my H can't be sure of it because he's not there.
I feel it is my responsibility to rebuild everything I have broken in our marriage. Showering him with love and attention and afffection is just one of the many things I WANT to do to get this marriage back on track. Yes, it's hard when he brings things up, but I am making every effort to prove myself. I don't want him to have any doubts in what I say, so I back everything up with actions. He looks on my phone, the computer, the phone bill... Whatever he needs right now to see that I am being honest and faithful.
If your H can't give you that, then ask him why not?
I was a cheater .. how can I say .. I no longer do that .. cuz .. we are all capable of doing right or doing wrong .. we don't have any defective genes .. we make bad choices ..
You have every right to be angry .. to suspect and to wonder ..
We put you where you are ...
Now .. from what I have read .. you want to move beyond ..
Moving beyond .. requires work for both of you ..
This is not easy .. when I know I am not behaving badly .. it does hurt ..
However .. I put her there .. and .. I have need to stay .. and to show her .. every day .. from now on .. that those choices do not define me ..
Yes, I made huge mistakes .. yes I did her wrong .. and yes .. it hurt her .. right down to the core ..
I have to do whatever it takes ..
Counselling may help you both ..
Lots of love and understanding .. on both sides .. can help you both to move on ..
We have also read a bunch of books .. if you'd like .. send me an email .. I'll try to round them all up .. and suggest them to you ..
I truly hope this helps .. if you have more questions .. please feel free to ask me directly ..
I send U a hug of support ..
You need to sit down with yoru husband without blame and talk about the affair. It sounds like you need to know every detail of it because its driving you nuts. Keep yourself out of the equation during the convo. Ask open ended questions like, "When did this start? What do you think was the main driving force behind the Emotional affair? What was it about her that attracted you to her? How did she make you feel, etc." It might have been as simple as she was fufilling a need of his that he didn't even knwo he had. Then go get the book "His needs. Her needs. Building an affair prove marraige. By Williard Harley. It really helped me understand why I was never getting my needs taken care of in my relationships. Good luck.