yesterday i had a feeling that yes this is going to be hard but yes i can do this and yes i can move on and make a new life for my son and me. today while discussing $$$ with my ex he tells me that though he cannot talk to his new OW the way he could always talk to me it is because they are just starting out. He keeps insisting that his leaving had nothing to do with me but he just changed and she came along and he really fell in love. So he bailed out of a long term marriage and a family. i know that this is all common to all of us. i am so depressed to see him move on in another life without me. i know that we'll all be okay in the end but i feel so dejected starting out on a path that i never thought i would be on. i never saw it coming. i remained in denial and bargaining for a long time. now i am in resentment and acceptance and sadness for what might have been and will never be. how do we do it? what do we do with the depression? He says it was hard on him too and i believe it though i have only heard i am sorry to do this to you-never please forgive me. there's just something that does not make any sense to me. Didn't we have a bond? Didn't we have a greater friendship and committment than that? Why didn't he love me enough to not dump all this pain on me? it is not just an affair it is a love affair something he felt was missing with us after 13 years together. I felt just the opposite. i realize some flaws developing in the marriage but nothing so bad to cause a divorce. how could i be so wrong? how could i not tell he was so unhappy. i don't think he was until he met her but what does that matter now. this is going to be so hard. i always felt so equal to him. equal in giving, in temperment, in loving...what happened. Does it even matter anymore-now i feel way down on the ladder while he is way up. Make any sense?
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