Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Not sure if he isWhat to do

deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm a very private person but I need some support. I'm not sure if my husband is cheating or it's just all part of the job as he says. Most of the postings that I have read tell me to listen to my gut feeling/instincts..I guess this is what made me look through his emails/text messages. It made me sick doing this because I value my privacy and I was invading his...a lot of it was vague but never the less inappropriate. One in particular was some women he works with emailing him about her fantasies. He tried telling her that he loved his family and she replied that she loved hers and that this was just for fun and if she could email him with what she would enjoy doing to him. I noticed he deleted a lot of what she sent him but in one email she said that she was glad that he was enjoying it. I saw other women he had poked (all pretty)he says it's for work (music) but my question is why avoid her advances and yet poke others on line. There have been other obvious things like not answering his cell...not coming home when he's supposed to but I dismiss most of this because he is like this in general and not only to me. He tells me flirting is all part of the job and it's just the industry and that he wouldn't take it any further..then why all the secrecy, why even be inappropriate with anybody..help am i overreacting or am i on to something...
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are on to something. I wish I would have done those things before my husbands affair. When my husband was falling in love and gross stuff like that, I had the "feeling". I now wish everyday that I would have went with it, but thought I was crazy! I was not! You need to stop this or you will regret it. Flirting is NOT okay AT ALL! to much energy is givin to other women when it should all be givin to you. Make it stop, if things haven't happen yet, they will and you will wish you would have stopped it. Good Luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Not at all overreacting. Trust you gut. Listening ot participating in other's fantasies is not OK.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well it's kind of tough when its part of their job to meet women and be nice to them. If you show jealousy towards what he does then he may hide things from you so as not to always upset you when you find out....and he could be hiding things because he is in fact cheating. Its hard to know probably with his line of business. The best thing to do is to ask him. You can tell a lot by the way someone answers you on whether they may be lying. You can then go from there with his response.

The one thing that I know is inappropriate just by reading your post is that he shouldn't be talking to another woman via e-mail or any other way in a sexual manner. That IS cheating, even if they are just chatting about sexual things. Its very wrong because he is first of all hiding it from you and secondly he is talking about sexual things to a woman other than his wife. This makes it cheating. There doesn't have to be intimacy involved to make it cheating you know. He has crossed the line with this one woman in particular so that in itself would tell me that I couldn't trust him. He needs to earn his trust from you and he doesn't sound like he is doing that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow? People get paid to flirt nowdays? Really? How much can one make doing that?

Flirting is NOT part of the job, hence why they have sexual harrassment laws in ALL states.

You are not overreacting. something is going on. Perhaps if he is in the PORN industry, flirting and email smut is "all just part of the industry" but I'm gonna take a big guess that your hub

is not in THAT type of industry, now is he? One more thing- I'd be confronting his coworker, big time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
She is not necessarily his coworker. He is a musician and she has worked with him in the past (singer). I know who she is and she is also married. I'm trying so hard not to confront her. What good would that really do..it's my husband that opened that door...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'd keep it between you and your husband unless he gets to the point where he refuses to work on it with you. He definitely needs to stop the sexual talk. She doesn't sound like "just" a co-worker (or whatever she is) to me. I'm sorry, but serious co-workers and employees that work together do not discuss sex in any way, ever. Its just uncalled for and inappropriate. Perhaps he thinks you are naive or something to believe such a thing? It also shouldn't matter if he is a musician. If being a musician makes it okay that he discusses sex with clients then he needs to either be single and do what he does or get another job.
deleted_user
deleted_user
First of all you're not overreacting, there is a fine line between 'industry flirting' and inappropriate flirting. The sad truth in my opinion is that musicians are natural flirts. They always seek the flattery and attention they get while on stage... I have this same problem, with maybe the exception that I have confirmed that my bf is cheating. What your husband is doing is not acceptable, if this woman needs her fantasies fulfilled she needs to go find a single guy. I would say you should continue checking the mails...since he is obviously not telling you 100% of the truth those mails are the only way for you to know what is going on and to be prepared to deal with it. If there is any way you can confront your husband without telling him about the mails then do it, and see if anything changes. My guess is his flirting will continue, but maybe he wont outright cheat meaning, meeting a woman, fulfilling physical fantasies etc...I would have been happy if my bf's flirting was confined to the internet, but, it isn't. Someone once told me 'trust, but verify' I think it's pretty good advice.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you really love someone, your instincts are seldom wrong. My wife of 2yrs tried to give the the insecurity rap. It was a farse. Caught her red handed. My instincts where very correct.
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