From: ConfusedKP - Not having a good day today. Slow here at work which gives my mind too much time to think. Can't keep busy. The anger is building up in me again today. This is soooo frustrating. I never realized how fragile life was. How much your life can change by the actions of others. That's what pisses me off more than anything. I had no control over this. It makes me sick to my stomach. All I picture is my wife and him in their hotel room and her spreading her legs for him. I can see the look on her face as he enters her. I know the look oh to well. I can even hear the sound she makes. I've memorized it. It used to be one of my favorite sounds. Now when I think about it, I want to throw up. This is Bullshit. All we used to talk about was how we didn't want to raise our kids in an unstable environment like we had growing up. Used to mention it all the time. Now this. How could she do this. Doesn't the thought of your kids or your husband even enter your mind once? Once? I will never understand what can make someone do this. I know some one in here posed the question about doing it back to her in revenge. To show her what it would feel like. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. I could go out right now and (maybe) find someone to do that with but it wouldn't be the same. She will never know what I feel because I am a faithful spouse who was cheated on. She would be an unfaithful spouse who was cheated on. There is a difference and she will never know the pain and nurt she has put me through. It feels as though she reached into my chest and RIPPED out 1/2 my heart. My chest actually hurts on a daily basis. Like the life has been sucked right out of me. It doesn't matter anyway about the revenge cheat because I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER. I love her wayyyyyy too much. Plus, once I say "I do", thats it. I take my vows seriously. It makes me so fucking mad. Having said all that, I know that she comes in here to read my posts and this one will upset you dear. That is not my intention. But I am not going to bottle up my feelings anymore like in the past. Know that I love you and I still want to go to counseling to try and make this work. It may not sound like it from what I wrote here but I am just mad as hell today. ILYAFC -
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