I love my family, my wife included. I've been married for 9 years, and have three precious children who I love more than life. I've been suspicious of my wife ever since she started school, and enjoying the new found freedom of having all the kids in school. I've never been a jealous person, and I reallize that trust is one of the main foundations of any relationship, so I just let her outings be, and made her believe that I trusted her. Granted, I won't pretend to be the perfect husband, by any means, however, I wasn't abusive in any way, and I was always 100% faithful to her. I worked rotating shifts, and when I work nights, I don't get much sleep, so I can get grumpy... but that doesn't make her right. We could have used cousiling, and maybe time alone together on a regular basis (like a date night), but somehow we never got there. Anyway, she's a regular on myspace, and she's always signed in to MSNM, which again, I was fine with (remember trust). The thing that got me suspicious in the first place was the fact that everytime I walk into the room where she is, she'd immediately close out all programs she had going... and then accuse me of being jealous, and "queer" when I'd question what she was doing. Well about a year ago, I found out she'd been chatting regularly with some guy on myspace. We had a bit of a fallout, but I decided to give her the bennefit of the doubt, and we decided to stick it out, and work things out. Well, it's been a year, and nothing's really changed... only now it's serious. At times, I feel love from her, but for the most part it's distance, and cold. She decided to add text messenging to her phone on our family talk plan, so she could chat with her friend (who's also an adulterer). When I'd review the phone bill, I'd get suspicious of all the time she actually spends on the phone with this person. I'd ask "who's number is this?" and she'd say, "well, it's her other line, that she uses to chat with her boyfriend". Well, I got wind of her little affair when she left her msnm conversation up, and her boyfriend was telling her he loved her, and they'd get through this... whatever this was. Well I confronted her, and we had a battle... things were extremely rocky, and she claimed she wanted to work things out. I got an appointment with a counselor, and I was hoping this person would help us work through this ordeal... especially since I thought both parties wanted it so. Last night, she got home from class, and was tired, so she said she was going up to bed, so I said goodnight, and that I'd be up in a while, but not to wait up for me. Well, I went up a couple of hours later, and she was still up, and claimed she couldn't sleep. I walked into the room, and saw that she had a text on her phone, that was blinking, and she said it was just her friend (that was having an affair). Well, I decided to check it anyway, and the two messages read: I love you, and I miss you... I was furious, so I called this number, and told him that I was a psycho, and he'd better not contact her again or he'd feel my wrath... (kinda the psycho husband I know... but my adrenaline was sky high). Now I finally knew his number, so I decided to see how often she was talking with him on our phone bill from April. She was on the cell phone for about 50 hours (talking), and about 20 of them were with him. She had over 1300 text messages, and about 900 of them were to him. I'm at a loss... I don't know what to do... even through all this, I still love her... but at the same time I hate her for not only what she's done to our family, but also for what she's turned me into (a depressed, obsessive, jealous jerk). I had even planned a mother's day/anniversary gettaway to Ft. Lauderdale this weekend, which I've already paid for. I haven't slept for a few days, mostly because of the emptyness I feel,but also because I feel my life, and the life of our children is ruined.
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