Well i went and had a talk with STBX. i said i made a mistake because not getting the divorce changes nothing for me. i still have been betrayed and cheated on and abandoned by my husband. I do not have a husband in any sense of the word. i guess it was last minute panic for him over facing the consequences of what he has done. As soon as he bought more time he started waffling again saying he is not sure of what he wants. Talk time is over there is nothing more to say. His actions over the past year have been loud and clear. i have spent more time trying to understand that man then he deserves. In the end i told him that he could not possibly have any love for me to be able to do everything that he did. If you truly love someone it pains you to bring any harm to them. i have tried and given everything i could but i cannot fight his demons for him and he seems unable to do it himself or unwilling. Somehow i have to hold onto the things that are real the things that i know. Being honest with yourself, accepting reality is hard. Getting by for now is the best i can do. Loss is just damned hard.
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