I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place but here it goes. I was on this site a while ago and it helped me stay away from my toxic ex. Long story short about the toxic ex: together 10 years, he emotionally and psychologically abused me, cheated on me multiple times, manipulated me, lied to me, made literally everything wrong in our relationship my fault, made me feel like I wasn't enough on multiple occasions and to add the cherry on top screwed one of my best friends while we were "broken up" (it was 2-3 days max) and got her pregnant with his kid which he neglected to tell me about for over a year. I found out thru a Facebook message from someone I didn't know....
So its been 7 months now. I'm still completely done with my ex and I've been civil regarding our shared custody of our dog. I've moved into a new home that I love. I have a pretty good support system of friends and family. But I'm noticing I'm starting to want to be with someone, like a relationship type thing. I haven't met anyone or even tried dating. My ex screwed my head up pretty bad; more like really bad. I want to move on, but I'm scared of being devastated again. I'm afraid to put myself out there. I'm afraid of not being enough to someone again. I'm afraid of not being enough again in comparison to new vagina. I'm just don't ever think I'll be enough for someone to not want to risk losing me. So there's my spiel, my dilemma. I've talked to my friends and my therapist about how I feel. And while they have great suggestions and feed back I just can't feel I can move on from how I feel inside.
Had a hard craving and briefly gave in and looked at porn. Stopped myself and said no, Not today. Trying to breathe and not get discouraged. Disappointed I gave in, but trying to feel good about stopping. 2 weeks today. Want to keep this going.
Day Seven is when I blew it last time. Today is day 6 and I fully expect an onslaught this weekend. Of course, my accountability partner is out of town. But hopefully he will still have a cell signal at the retreat where their family is. I will post an update on Monday!