
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Does anyone have any good material on Mature love vs Romantic Love? My husband is very confused and is having trouble sorting out his feelings. It has been 4 months since the affair ended. He says he has tremendous feelings for me but is not madly in love with me. This is what I would call mature love. He still has love for the OW (who was one of my good friends) and is having trouble getting past his affair. He does not want to work on our marriage putting only 70% of himself into it and hurt me again. He wants to sort out his feelings first.
I would greatly appreciate any words or direction on where to read more on this subject.
I would greatly appreciate any words or direction on where to read more on this subject.
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Romantic love, in the full sense of the term, is an emotion possible only to the man (or woman) of unbreached self-esteem: it is his response to his own highest values in the person of anotheran integrated response of mind and body, of love and sexual desire. Such a man (or woman) is incapable of experiencing a sexual desire divorced from spiritual values.
Man is an end in himself. Romantic lovethe profound, exalted, lifelong passion that unites his mind and body in the sexual actis the living testimony to that principle.
To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish man, a man of self-esteem, is capable of lovebecause he is the only man capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, unbetrayed values. The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.
"To say 'I love you' one must know first how to say the 'I.'"
Hope this Helps
Mature love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
A good book for him and you is After the Affair by Janis Spring. I bet you already have it! It explains the 'addiction' and 'insanity' of affair fog....which he still has btw.
big hug
There's a book called Language of Letting Go by Melody Beatty that will help guide you in re-gaining respect for yourself, learning how to detach from him and all he did with your good friend (which is the ultimate knife).
While he spends precious time pining away for her, YOU must get strength and emotional detaching from him in any way you can. Read up on the 180 and starting that if you can. It will wake him up to really losing you and he will react.
I SEND YOU HUGS
This is just a little nutshell description of what is, undoubtedly, one of man's enduring mysteries. Why do we fall in love? What is love? How do we know we're in love?
For the sex and love addict, he is never able to get past the passion stage and move into intimacy. So, it is impossible to every move into commitment. The cycle ends for the addict when the initial "drug" of attraction/romance/passion wears off.
Over the lifetime of a committed relationship, I truly believe that the cycle perpetuates itself, as you have children together and raise them, as you start to see your bodies wear down and need to care for one another, as you find you are the only two on the planet who share one memory. This is what intimacy and commitment is - and with it attraction/romance/passion ebb and flow.
This is the nature of human love. I suppose there are those miracle relationships where they really are "as hot for each other as when they met", but what does that really mean? Does it feel like the first time they've kissed ever again? I doubt it. What really comes to play is the intimacy and commitment, and some people are too afraid and/or damaged to wait around for that with a partner. Or else, once they're there, they find themselves too exposed and vulnerable. So, they leave.
The affair partner doesn't come with the intimacy or the commitment. The affair partner is all drug, all the time.
Really examine what YOU want out of this relationship. Not what you want your husband to want out of this relationship.
I wish you all the best. Don't settle. If you really want to make this relationship work, then I think you would be wise to see outside help - therapists, clergy, support groups like S-Anon.
There is such a stigma to infidelity, and yet it is so pervasive, so sometimes it feels like you're fighting an invisible enemy, but you're not.