
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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So what is it I am missing that guys have that makes a married woman want to cheat on her husband. I'm really struggling with why am I so repulsive that my wife had to go have an affair. What is it about certain guys that just ATTRACT a woman to them, even enough to cheat??? I mean I *THOUGHT* I was an attractive guy, I have a good job, I make good money, yeah I am bi polar, but not bad like a lot of people, and I am medicated. I am STEADFASTLY commited, and am open to about anything. I *THOUGHT* I was pretty open, and that I was a caring loving husband, so why is it I can't seem to feel like a woman in the world is attracted to me? And what is it about other guys that women will just throw themselves at them??? This is driving me nuts, why does the "good" guy always loose???? I feel like I need to be a cheating jerk to be able to attract anyone now. And my counselor tells me I need to feel better about myself to feel that I can trust her, ok, admittedly that makes no sense to me, so I have to blindly believe that. How is me feeling better about myself going to keep someone that's already done it once from doing it again?
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Your counselor sounds like mine. After all the lies to screw her..now I'm supposed to trust in him and believe him. Yeah, RIGHT!
You can't keep someone that's done it from doing it again and believe me that's where I am now. He says he doesn't want her..but she is there..legs open just waiting for a weak moment from him.( SHE ACTUALLY TOLD ME THIS). Don't be a cheating jerk. You sound wonderful to me. ( I never cheated..never ONCE). Consider yourself HUGGED.
I don't believe that wives cheating on husbands is rarer than the opposite. I believe that the infidelity bug bites equally both ways.
Regarding the comment about feeling better about yourself ... on this I have to agree with the counselor. After talking to several women, one of the characteristics that women find very attractive about a man is confidence. A lot of cocky jerks give off that aura of confidence. Sometimes it is genuine but other times it is a front they use to attract women. If you are confident in yourself, carry yourself in a way that shows that you like who you are and you know that you area a great guy, it will go a long way. Self doubt and lack of respect for yourself are BIG turn-offs. Good luck.
This isn't about you when someone cheats on you. It is about them, and their insecurities. Either a person will cheat, or they won't, and theo nly way to find out is the hard way. There might be a few warning signals along the way, but most of the time there is not... so i think it is highly possible you will get burned again. But this is not a reason to not date, or to think any less of yourself, because that is giving the cheaters more credit than they are worth.
I agree with you, that how you feel about yourself is not going to change your wife's behavior, one way or the other.
I think your therapist was trying to say that if do not recover from the heartbreak of what your wife did to you, you may not be able to do the work required to maintain, much less repair a broken marriage.
To your therapist I say "shame on her". Repairing your broken heart and your marriage, if it is to be, is the cheater's job! Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, so you can now be able to "please" your wife is not my idea of a solution.
I think you should see someone just for you (a therapist) who will listen to your pain for as long as it takes you to get over it. it can take years and I say that not only because it took me years, but because the psych literature and research states it.
Do some reading, "Not JUst Friends" is my personal favorite because it validates the painful feelings of inadequacy that befall almost anyone, who really loved and trusted their spouse. How else could one feel?
There are many books out there, find one that speaks to you. And find a therapist that puts the responsibility on the cheater, your wife needs to make you feel lovable and desirable to her again. If she will not, then at least find a therapist who wioll build you up and not suggest that "if only you do this" the marriage will work.
You are the injured party. The therapist is your employee, she works for you! Interview a few on the phone and tell them, "I need support and compassion, not unproven rote theories.
Good luck