Am I insane? Am I a saint or the world's biggest fool? Is there any possible way I can forgive my H for his latest confession of 3 affairs in the last 10 years, the most recent only ended a month ago and was still going on when he confessed. He's had 8 women in 22 years of marriage. Why am I still here? He's trying this time, but I've heard it all before: "I love you", "I will never do it again", etc.... We are in counseling, he's working on the dialogue techniques we learned in marriage encounter and we are doing the homework every night. I just can't stop thinking about it and I can't stop imagining him with the latest one. Am I a fool for trying to forgive and work this out AGAIN? I have to give him credit that he IS trying, but I have so little hope and I think that's hurting our chances. My heart loves him and wants to forgive but my brain is saying he's going to do it again, it's just a matter of time. I'm angry all the time. I can't even pray. I'm not sure I even believe there is a God anymore. All I can do when I try to pray is lash out and be angry with God because this pain is unbearable and He isn't sending me any peace with the decisions we've made so far. I don't get any peace when I think about ANY of our options, leaving, reconciliation, counseling, etc.... Nothing puts my heart at ease. Why isn't God listening? Or is it me that's not listening? I need help. I really am losing it.
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