I know what you are going through...the things my husband did and said to the ow has just made me sick. this is not the man I married because he would never do this to his family. My h did the same thing with his ow-told her he loved her, planned to marry her (or shall I say she was planning on marrying him) well, he did propose, but his reasons was because of the things she was saying she wanted from him. he said it was to keep that feeling going, and he did things she wanted him to do so she wouldnt call me and tell me everthing that had been going on. so now she was in control..makes me wonder how some other woman got control over my husband. not fair to have to live like this and feel this type of hurt...mine claims this was the biggest mistake of his life as well, and he is paying dearly for it. I remind him of all the hurt he has caused me daily...I know how you feel, my thoughts and prayers are with you...

I am going through the same thing, my husband lied to me about her, said they were just friends. He lied to her, told her we were getting divorced (not true). He told her he loved her, he called her when he was with me so she wouldn't question him. After his has all come out, he says he never loved her and after the first few weeks he didn't even want to be with her but didn't want to hurt her so he continued to see her for 3 mos. What kind of BS is that? Why would you to continue in relationship you don't want to be in? So who was he lying too- me or her?
Sorry for laying out my story, I have been struggling with dealing with all of the lies all day today. I don't know how to do this.

Reading these posts, it's my life to a T. The lies told by my husband were sickening & unforgivable. He made up such horrific tales to his OW about me that I think he may be a sociopath. He told me I shouldn't take them personally. I told him I could have respected him if he had been honest.... IF he had said "Patti's a bitch & I hate her" well, ok. But not lie about me. The worst was that he had tried to leave me, but that I picked up the phone & told him if he dared I would report him as having molested our daughter!!! (completely untrue, I actually packed his bags & changed the locks) I guess it was easier for him to say this to OW than "hey, I'm just using you for a strange piece of a$$, and I never intend on being with you" ~~ while the truth is he was crying and begging for a second chance with me. Ahhh, liars. The sad part is, I had heard him lie to others, but felt that his love for me was true, and I was exempt from being betrayed. Live & learn, I guess.

I also know how you feel. My boyfrnd used porn, chatted, emailed, even had one of the so-called chat buddies work for him, and he said he's never done anything sexual this whole time.

He's a professional, kind, generous, uncontrolling, and fun-to-be-around guy, but I don't really know who he is. I would have never imagined he would do such a thing. And worse yet, after being caught he's gone back to doing it at least 3 times that I know of.

We've been to counseling and he still went back to porn. Said he doesn't chat/email anymore, though...right~LIAR!!!

I feel you pain and hate being in this mess too! I don't know what to tell you except you need to do some sould searching to figure out what you want out of life and your relationship. Life is just too short!

I think these types of people are just compulsive liars and don't know how to be honest when it comes to their secrecy and shameful behaviors. It's really a sad thing to see the person who love and think "Who the fu*k are you?" (excuse my lang).

I hope you work this out within yourself. It's a hard road and can be bumpy at times but I know you'll get through it...we all do, it's just a matter of time and soul searching.

Good luck to you and stay strong...

i can relate to all this. i hate the lies the most also. i thought that things were going well for us, until i seen his latest phone bill. there were still calls from those chat lines, they make me sick. $5 for 30 second video clips of strippers! what a fool. he also told me he had been paying his bills(he moved into his own place) but he is behind in phone and credit card. not my problem i know, but we have been discussing him moving back into the family home but i dont want his debt.i have tried to get him to see why this is effecting me! his reason for lying......he didnt want to tell me he hadnt paid his bills because he knew it would cause conflict!!wtf??? isnt that what has happened anyway, but now its because of lies!! god he just doesnt get it! i told him today, i thought i was losing respect for you, but i realise its you who isnt respecting me, therefore i am losing faith in you, which in return means i am loving you less with each lie. eventualy i wont even love you enough to even bother anymore. so if thats what you want to happen, if you want me to just walk away without a care about you, keep going down the road you are, because thats where im heading. i hope and prey i am getting thru to him, but with each lie at least i know i am getting stronger and stronger. why keep saying you want to be with me, you love me and want to spend the rest of your life with me, when you havent changed one bit. time to grow up and get responsible i say. before its too late and you have no one left in your life that cares for you the way your family does.

But do you notice that it is not ok for us to lie. I asked my stbx if I were in his position and I told him that I had cheated and that I wanted to be forgive would he forgive me...he said hell no your ass would be gone and I would want nothing to do with you.... yet I was expected to be forgiving or stupid..hum??? (HIS ass was gone--yet I hurt like hell)

Yeah the lies are horrible. I caught my wife cheating on me, and when I confronted her about it she was litterly on her hands and knees BEGGING for a second chance. We went to therapy the day I found out. Little did I know the whole time she was begging for forgiveness and going to therapy she was seeing ANOTHER man. She old him she loved him, that she no longer loved me. She did things with him, she never did with me. The whole time she was doing this, she was working on things with me, going to therapy, talking to doctors, etc. It took me contracting an STD from her to realize that she was STILL sleeping with someone else. It hurts the worst when you forgive someone for one thing because they seem to be "trying" so hard, only to find out that all the "trying" was a complete LIE. I am giving her yet another chance, but she still feeds me little lies, and each time she lies, I too feel less and less love for her.
I don't know what to do, and I completely understand what you are going through.

Well i see im not alone on this on. I will never love him the same i klnow that for sure, why im staying is another matter, is there anything to salvage from the lack of respect i feel for him. The man i married would ot have done this to me. To tell a common slut he loves her to keep her happy is beyond me, He says he knows now there was othig wrong at home but we had falle into a slight rut but nothing
at all serious. He even told her we were behind with the mortgage for a reason not to leave- how dare he i have never missed a payment in my life- what a coward eh!

You have got it 100%. The lies are the worst. My H lied and shut me out. I think there is an inherent need to respect our life partners (maybe because we feel they in some way reflect us - and we need to respect ourselves?) and the cheating hurts that but the lies kill it. I just don't know who this guy I have been married to for so long is!

I do understand! THe OM convinced my wife with little effort they were part of some heroic, epic, romance like Guenivere and Lancelot. ANd then when they got caught in the lies he turned into a spineless shit and is now terririfed his own wife will find out. Of course my wife believed his lies so she lied to me for half a year. What I have come to know and it helps me deal with all the deciet is to stop thinking of the lying as individual incidents- my wife lied about this, she lied about that- and come to know it for what it is-an example of their character. This isnt someone who tells a lie or two, this is someone who MUST lie, someone for whom lying is the only way to deal with reality. OUr spouses are liers and should never be trusted.

I got a lot of lies too. There was a point where I just didn't want to know. The more I knew the more it hurt.

today it is the lies that allowed me to finally see this man for who is is.after 23yrs of marriage this year i found out he had sex at our house while i was at work with a co-worker.he had sex with his co-workers and who ever else. he has lied for six months saying he can't remember the conversations or the situaion that occured only that he cheated.and he continues to tell me he can't remember anything they talked about only that he did have sex.this co-worker of mines had never been introduced to him, so even if she came to the house why did she stay and have drinks and then sex what a pig i cant wait for the divorce.and of course his co-workers came on to him and he said NO I MARRIED, BUT THEY PESSURRED HIM. what i know to be true is he couldn't barely satisfy me i know he didn't them and today i wish him well.

The lies for me are also what is getting me the most. I never, never, never, thought my h would cheat on me or lie to me. He was my rock. I had someone ask me not too long ago if I had anyone who would lay their life down for me and I said yes, my h. What a fool I was and am. It has only been 2 weeks since I had proof and confronted him, for now can't stop crying.
This is just not the person I thougt I knew. Did I just go thru 23 years of marriage with blinders on.

The fact is the man you married did do this to you. Perhaps I am biased, but I dont believe cheaters should be given a second chance, under a few conditions but thats just me.

My ex cheated on me, then lied FURIOUSLY lied about it all, for a very very long time. Ultimately, I fell out of love with him and met someone else. Sucks to be my ex. Im in a good happy place. He can suffer now.

I have one of those. Why do they keep lying week ater week month ater month? But all the while say " I LOVE YOU".