I'm moving on, and I have age and financial issues too. But I have to say that making that decision to get out was like opening a window and getting some fresh air. It's scary and stressful, but I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I can sleep now.

Swing over to the sex addiction section. That addiction really is like any other addiction. Also, theres a site called Recoverynation that you may want to check out for yourself. They have online workshops that are very beneficial to both the addicts and the partner of addicts.
As much as you don't want to believe it, the addiction he has, has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you. And it is not your fault. If he doesn't get help, He will not change, I'm sorry. And he won't recover if he doesn't want to change. SA is one of the most horrible things to deal with, there's so much uncertainty in it, and with your future. Educate yourself on it as much as you can, and them make decisions. Good luck!

OK lets say you get all the knowledge you want on his problem. How does this help you? You will survive the move.

JungleJoe,
Why would she NOT want to gain extra knowledge into something she is clearly confused about?? If we don't know something about it, why wouldn't we learn??
Getting the knowledge, especially with someone with a sexual addiction, which I'm presuming you just think is a fluke " I need sex whatever whatever" thing, But it's not.
It's a skewed value system, skewed morals, skewed ability to really love himself. If anything, she'll walk away from the relationship knowing for sure, it's not her fault, or not because she wasn't pretty enough, or inadequate, etc. Which is usually the first thing a partner of a sex addiction thinks. And furthermore, knowing about sex addiction is CRUCIAL to her own healing, just like a partner of any other addiction. Atleast when she walks away, she had all the information at hand, and made the choice that fit her best.

Isn't learning everything you can about a particular subject in your best interest for possible future improvement?
I mean, would you tear apart an engine without ever looking at one and expect to put it back together again?
Same thing appies here, the more information you know, the better off you are. You never want to be thinking "What if..."
I'm an SA, and my wife could've very eaily walked-out of our marriage, it's easier that way. But no, she has made it her mission to learn everything that she possibly can about the addiction.
So instead of taking the easy way out and leaving, understand more, learn more, then decide.

I definitely want to know more and learn more about the addiction.

My ex-husband was an alcoholic/addict who did get help on more than one occassion, so I am well aware of accictive behavior and the recovery process. However, if the addict does not do anything about changing then it does me no good to stay in the relationship.

He sent me an email and told me that he didn't like being "talked at" and that's what he felt like I was doing when I mentioned a men's ministry group that could help him with his problem. He said he would look into it but he didn't want me to keep nagging him about it.

So, I haven't nagged him about it or even mentioned it, but I did tell him that I couldn't stick around in a relationship based on lies and deception. Everytime I see a black women with big boobs or a sexy woman on the TV I think of what he's done. It's just so hard to deal with.

I decided to leave because I felt like this was a way out of those feelings and it would give me time to think about the relationship and what I can or cannot tolerate.

We're suppose to talk about things this weekend, but I guess I'll be the one to start the discussion because he doesn't really like talking about it. And how am I suppose to ask him if he's made any progress with the men's ministry if he handle being "talked at".

Still a bit dazed and confuzed...

Debbie,
I absolutely support a decision to leave, it is very painful for you and any addiction is a bitch to recover from, especially ses addiction because sex is flaunted everywhere.

What I want to say is if you are still dazed and confused I would encourage you to get counseling and/or a support group to help you get through this. Stay or leave, you need to recover from this crisis and the effect it has had on your self-esteem.

Best to you. do take care of you.

Deb,

I am not an advocate of giving up, but if he wont stop the one thing that drives you crazy...Why stay?

Financial problems are not a reason to stay, get two jobs..be happy... dont let someone else drag you down.

It probably will be the best thing you ever did for YOURSELF.

i think your whole post tells what you should do in your situation, get out! You're not getting any younger. I'm just about 40 yrs old myself and getting tired with each day. I want to be comfortable and set in life, not worried about sex and cheating on someone. You're BF needs to grow up. He just doesn't sound like the one for you. I mean would you seriously want to marry someone like this? He already doesn't respect your wishes and keeps up the nasty behavior.

The consensus of all the replies pretty much sums up what I need to do, It's just so hard to do. I've been looking for an apt with my daughter, but I still think, "maybe he'll change. maybe today he'll tell me he's contacted the men's ministry group and he's seen the light", but I am still having a hard time with detaching.

Is there an easy way to transition from living together to moving out?