Me and my family just spent about 5 days at my husbands mothers cabin, he felt he deserved a little vacation I didn't think so. I spent the better half of the hole vacation in panic and anxiety don't really know why I just did not want to be there I guess. Monday was our 13th wedding anniversary and the night before was when I had the worst anxiety attack I have ever experienced he does not understand the reason for it, if I was to try to tell him he would just roll his eyes and tell me to get over it already. Its been about a month since i first found out about his affair and to celebrate our being married for thirteen years that soon after was almost unbearable all I could think of was our marriage meant nothing to him the vows we spoke the day we got married meant nothing or he would not have did what he did, when he said happy anniversary to me all I wanted to do was throw up. Can any one explain to me why it is you can love someone so much but in the middle of the love is this hatred I feel towards him and the bitch he slept with. I honestly don't feel I will ever get over this and thats really not fair to him as he is trying to be good to me for the most part but anytime I start to feel ok I get a flash in my head of those to being together then I feel crappy all over again I hate it I can not live like this. this hole discussion probably makes no sense but I had a really long hard week end and I needed to talk about it.
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