Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Is what I did wrong?

deleted_user
deleted_user
Found out 2 week ago that my wife had been having an affair with a guy she works with. I suspected something for many months. We talked one night and she told me how she felt about the other guy but knew that he would never leave his family. We had problems prior to this but after our discussion I had the strong feeling that he was stringing her along and that really hurt me. So I called the other guys wife and told what was going on. She told me that every aspect of their marriage was pretty much normal including the sex. But since I called her she threatened her husband that she would leave and take their kids if he had anymore contact with my wife. Now she is pissed at me saying I went behind her back and betrayed her for calling. now their work life is in the shitter and she says that she has lost her best friend. She says that they were best friends over and above anything else. She says that what I did is unforgivable. Was I wrong for what I did and wanting to protect her from someone that I felt was using her?
special3
special3
H*ll No, You did the right thing! If you want a better marriage the affair had to be exposed!
There has to be no contact between the two.
When your wife is done with her tantrum...she will realize he didn't care for her. Duh,he's with his wife!! She should find a different job as soon as possible! Your wife has lost her mind..look who - betrayed who....
If you still love her and want your marriage.
Give her time,she'll see the truth!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Pissed, Don't forget YOU are the victim here not her. She screwed up and for that there are consequences. People are going to get hurt when this happens just like you are hurting.
I wish you well.
Tornup
deleted_user
deleted_user
thanks that what everyone is telling me but there is something in me that says i screwed up. i do still love her and we start counseling next week but she just isnt sure that she can forgive what i did to her because now she doesn't even have the friend in him now and she says that she needs that now. i keep trying to talk to her about things but she says that all i am doing is reminding her of him and pushing her further away from me, he wont even talk to her at work now unless its absolutely necessary because he said that he needs to save his family for his kids sake. we also have two little girls and unfortunately she says that she is not willing to stay in the marriage if her feelings for me don't change. I try to give her the space she needs but its hard because everything seems to remind her of him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No, u were not wrong! If her work life is in the shitter...it's her fault. She must have known that was gonna be one of the consequences of havin an affair with a co-worker. She knew that the affair had to end at some point and it would be a given that when it ended things would be wierd (to say the least) at work.
But seldom can people ever look at themselves fully, they will always find some way to blame someone else for their worng doings. But remember this....no one held a gun to her head.
She dug herself a grave that she doesn't want to be buried in. She needs to stop pointing her finger and take a long hard look at how her actions have put her where she is. You would have had nothing to react to if she didn't CHEAT!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You did nothing wrong. His wife deserved to know the truth and you were the one who was cheated on. He clearly had no intention of telling her or if he did, he was going to wait til he got caught or got what he wanted. My WS is hooked up with a co-worker too. What the f*ck is wrong with all these people sleeping with co-workers?
rel8
rel8
She's gaslighting you.... making you believe it's your fault for her fucked up choices. It's so twisted that she is taking this out on you!

Don't believe her. She lost her best friend? WTF is that? She lost her little escape from reality.

He won't talk to her? And now it's your fault? And she doesn't know if she can forgive YOU?

I'm blown away that you even have this forum if you were wrong. Stand up for yourself and your family... If she refuses to see it that way, you're better off without her.
deleted_user
deleted_user
She's throwing the blame on you so SHE doesn't look so bad (in her mind that is). She was wrong to get involved with him. She's lucky.....when my ex did that same thing, I raised so much hell at his job, he lost his job!!! LOL well, heck, he had an affair with his secretary!!!!! DUMB!
deleted_user
deleted_user
you did absolutley nothing wrong..do not let her blame you for her screw up.if she can blame you to ease her own mind of guilt she will.
you are the victin not her.his wife had a right to know too..her marriage
was at stake too..if you need to talk iam here message me..hugsssssss
deleted_user
deleted_user
Did you laugh in her face when she said you went behind her back and betrayed her?? She really stepped in it when she said that!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
The relationship needed to be killed off for you to even have a chance a recovery!! Exposure is a effective tool to end affairs. They say I can't believe you did this behind my back and I was going to try and recover but now I won't...yada yada yada!! She needs to focus on the marriage and family!!
special3
special3
Don't fall for her screwed up reasoning!! This has nothing to do with you OR your fault!!

When she decides to get her head out of the clouds. Than and only than will she realize this was a fairy tale,made up in her own foggy thinking!! This man was not a great friend or husband to his wife. It would of never worked and was never meant to be!! She has gotten herself entangled in an emotional web of lies!

Hang onto your hat,because you are in for a nasty roller coaster ride of emotions. This will be your worst nightmare!

I agree with the others. She is shifting all the blame onto you! Just because the truth was told. Now she can't face the reality,he didn't want her!! He wants his family,she was not,that special to him. Her fantasy bubble is broken,the fun & games have stopped. He's back to business & his own family. Reality Check!! Did she really believe this would go on forever??
deleted_user
deleted_user
Please do not think you are in the wrong for telling his wife. She is blaming you because she's hurt that she can't continue with him any longer, plus she is turning the blame on you so she won't feel as guilty. YOU ARE NOT THE WRONG. Best of luck and keep us posted.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No its not wrong. And lets be honest, you weren't protecting her, you were protecting your marriage. *IF* you were "just protecting her" its time to get a divorce!
Lstecker
Lstecker
Her twisted logic and reasoning are blowing my mind!

She should be looking out for your heart and your relationship and YOUR marriage. And she is more concerned with him than her OWN KIDS?

You were looking out for your family and did the right thing. Her reaction to all of this makes me wonder if she is warped in the head.

Counseling may help -- but it may not -- if she keeps her current position. If it doesn't help, keep your girls and kick her ass to the curb.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would be asking her why anyone other than YOU is her "best friend". What a crock of shit! The only person who should be her best friend is you and only you. So many people lose track of this. The time, effort and energy she has spent on her little "friendship" should have been spend on you and your relationship. She has betrayed you emotionally and that is as devastating to a marriage as sleeping with someone else.
Funny, my XH did this to me and after we split I predicted to everyone he would end up with his "best friend" and he did. Funny too how he and I were "best friends" before we got together as well. I say beware of the "best friend" line. H and W need to be each other's best friends and nobody else belongs there.
You were betrayed in this, not her at all.
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