Everyone is differnt, but I think that some ppl just get off on it. They think of thier sexual needs and desires before they think of the pain they will cause.
My H cheated in his first marriage and has now done it to me. I think in his case he is the type that will do it if he thinks he can get away with it. Has nothing to do with me or our relationship, he is a sex addict. I love sex alot myself but not enough to tear my family apart.

Yes it's true

My X said the same thing about his 1st wife and how it just tore him up. He cried to me for gosh sakes. Use to complain about others who cheat and swore and convinced me that he learned his lesson and would never ever do it again. So for two years he made me trust him to marry him. 2nd year into marriage he was cheating on me. And no, he did not cheat with me. He was already out of the house and more than halfway thru the divorce. I only knew cuz I asked why he was going thru a divorce. Thought he was being honest. When it happened to ME, I threw in his face, think you cheated on your wife more than that ONE time and she just finally got fed up with it. And he was like: You talked to her? Well screw you. ha ha. I never ever met or talked to his 1st wife. It was just a gut reaction that he admitted to cheating ONCE with her and left and then to cheat with me when our marriage was still new and no problems I knew he had to be a real cheater. And i know he will cheat with the one he is with now if his OW doesn't cheat on him first as she is still married.

Is it like alcoholism or gambling... an addiction? Is there an addiction to the attention, the thrill of not getting caught? Wouldn't it take a great deal of counseling and self-reflection to change this behavior? Do they feel guilt?

I think if you are truly repentant, you can learn & grow from this. But I think more often than not, problems are not addressed & resolved & it continues.

The sad part is, cheating that very first time can be heart-wrenching. But then, it gets easier. And easier. Then it can become a way of life.

I also think men & women cheat for different reasons. I think that women will cheat more often because their emotional needs are not being met. I think men cheat cuz they're dogs. It's more of a physical thing for them. Not saying this is the case all of the time, just what I have observed.

I have known countless people that have cheated. Only one of those people, I believe, will never cheat again. He has come clean to everybody and has accepted that it was just him and no one else's fault. He is doing pretty good now.

Everybody else that I know that has cheated has done it before and will more than likely do it again.

It would make sense that in order to change the behavior, you would have to be completely honest about it, "come clean" as Garrison said.

Our MC keeps telling me my husband has an addiction. I keep saying BS. I keep thinking, "what another excuse for my husband to tell me WHY he cheated on me." My husband has come clean with everything. I do believe he is remorseful & I know he hurts when he see's my pain. Most times I' m able to keep it inside, but sometimes it breaks loose and it is a nightmare. So I am starting to think, yeah maybe it was an addiction and everytime he got away with it, it just fed him like a drug addict getting his fix. I just hope I can start to really understand that concept.

why be with someone if your needs are not being met? or if you want to sleep with someone else? break it off and move on instead. i feel that cheating is all about selfishness. it really hurts to be betrayed like that. i personally feel totally violated. this is my health and life my ex was screwing with. i am happy to hear your not going to do it again though.

you know, i am of the opinion, that, IF my g/f ever cheated on me... and also, i have had exes cheat on me, and i have come to the conclusion, that once is a mistake/ just wrong... but twice, is a pattern, and i will never be, NOT cheated on.

i think it is a selfish act. and excuses like your needs not being met kind of suck they are selfish too. but people can change it just takes a little work and the desire to do so

I think once you cheat, there's always a chance you'll do it again... I'm no doctor, but it almost seems like an addiction in some cases...

I, for one, would never stay in a relationship with a cheater - regardless of how much I may love that other person. I just don't see how the trust is ever restored, and trust for me is the foundation.

As far as your needs not being met, I can relate; however, if you're not communicating those needs and attempting to work on the issues, then you're simply caving to the temptation to cheat - instead of attempting to confront and fix the problem. That makes you vulnerable to do it again IMO.

Don't know about anyone else, but with my ex - yes - once a cheater, always a cheater. He CHOSE to do it. To listen to him, these women made themselves available and he had no choice but to comply.

Now - I was expected to buy that. And I was expected to hold anger towards the other women.

To this day, I would bet any amount of money, he's sitting in his empty living room, no cable, hardly any food in the house, sitting in the dark..and he will still swear up and down he had no choice in the matter.

I know very different - that's why he's out of my life.

:)

People can change if they want to, I know that,,,its just from what I have seen, most cheaters dont want to...they have all sorts of reasons to justify what they did and they really dont seem to care who they hurt...this doesnt apply to all cheaters...just the ones I have met...Im sure there area also people out there who are really sorry for what they did and want to change..