you said you get along well with the H but your still feeling pain.. is that because you decided that your emotions and needs weren`t as important as the marriage?

after I found out about the H`s affair the first time my son`s grades were suffering so I decided I wasn`t as important and let h come back and acted like everything was ok but it wasn`t.. I was miserable and it eventually started to show..

only you can say if you have had enough to stay or leave, but you have to be true to yourself.. I don`t care if its been 11months or 11 years if you buried your feelings and didn`t deal with them, it will never get better..

Please seek counseling for yourself and Take Care of YOU

i have experienced the same thing you are feeling. i have known for 16 months and it is still hard. i have some really good days were i feel hopeful and some days i just want to crawl into a hole and die. i just look at it like this.....whether i stay or go the pain will still be there. yes i may find another man who will never cheat or betray me, but that is no guarantee. i could leave him and be alone and really miserable. i wanted to give myself a time frame for how long i would allow this to consume me but i guess that is unreasonable. this is just such a sick and twisted situation to be in and it is so unfair. i beleive i stay partly out of habit and because my husband takes care of me but mostly because i love him and i can not see my life or our sons life without him in it. i have tried to hate him and change the way i feel about him but i love him to much and have loved him for 10 years, so that is hard to change.

i know what you are going thru is like being stabbed in the heart over and over again but i hope we all can heal from this some day. i am here for you. take care.

I truly believe when necessary nature takes over. We can analyze and reason with ourselves on way or the other but in the end, the answer is already there.

Both my mother and mother in law (two wonderful women)told me on separate occassions that I would know when I was done. I never understood it until the day came 2 years ago when I asked my H to leave. I look back and say, "My God how did I do that?!" It was so beyond me and to this day it is the single hardest decision I have ever made.

A year into "recovery" and I question staying sometimes, but I know that my inner strength will be there to guide me if I have ever "had enough" again.

We are women, and our will to survive (for ourselves also) for the sake of our children is a force to be reckoned with. Trust yourself, don't let the affair make you doubt your emotions. Where is your heart? What do you really want to do. If you still don't know it is time to make some provisions to help you come to a decision.

Luck to you,
Jax

I agree with all the responses. It is a very difficult and personal decision to make and only you'll know when that time is.

I've been pondering whether to leave or stay for over a year and he keeps telling me he'll change, but a little time goes by and he goes right back to it. He uses porn, chats, emails and had/s several profiles on dating sites.

But something happened this last time it happened and I finally decided to leave, that I couldn't deal with the lies and deception any longer. It hurts like heck but I know that the pain will subside and I will overcome the pain. I just can't stand living in a lie any longer.

I know you'll know when enough is enough and then you can finally either make the move to leave or continue to fight for the relationship.

Hang in there and hold your head up high...you're not the one who cheated, he is, so you have done nothing wrong.

Stay strong...

I want to thank you all for your replies it relly helps to have people to share things with knowing that we are all in the same situation my thoughts are with you all also
loi