
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
1) SOME cheaters change. This is a case-by-case thing... only those with true remorse and a true will to change will change.
2) FORGIVENESS: that's up to you. You can forgive at any time, whether or not you like the person;'s behavior and whether or not you take them back.
In other words, cheating... is up to them. Forgiveness... is up to you.
And please remember that you can forgive/let go (ie, stop being angry and wishing for revenge.... stop being angry!) whenever you are ready... even if the other person persists in their self-destructive actions.
I guess you can't ever really know for sure though.
As far as "letting" her change or holding her the same as the day I found out. - We are going to go to MC. I will take every step I possibly can to make this work. If we get 12 months away from DDay and I am still having the same thoughts or feel the same way about what she did givin the fact that she continues the effort she is showing as far as being remorsful and wanting to be with me and make this family work, then we wil have to discuss seperating. Because if we aren't better after a year of both of us giving our best effort, then it will never work. I'm not saying we will be 100% after a year, but things have to be better.
You've given me some serious words to think about. I just realized by reading those few lines that although I have forgiven my husband, I still think of him as the lying cheat who destroyed my faith in hime. I love him dearly but like I said, I've been dealing with this a very long time. It has been a tough battle. I need to try to learn how to see him as the man he is today and not the man-child he behaved like 7 years ago. Thanks.
I feel that some can cheat and learn what may be a very costly lesson. They could be faced with the loss of their wife/husband, kids, family, home, job, even their way of life. It just depends on the individual. I feel that ANYTHING is possible. There is always hope.
Now as for the forgiveness, that is a different matter all together. I personally have not forgiven my husband. I have accepted that he had an affair. I have accepted that there is NOTHING I can do to change any of that. I am working on forgiving my h. It is much easier to say than actually do. My H is doing everything he can do to rebuild the trust he deystroyed.
I know that I WILL forgive my H. I know that in order for us to totally rebuild our marriage that I need to forgive him, I am just not there yet, but I do work on getting there every day.
How long ago was your DDay? You know today, April 7, makes 7 years for me. I have not forgotten, and although I have claimed to have forgiven, there are times I deep down know I haven't. Like I said, each day is a struggle. I look at him now and I feel the same things I felt all those years ago when I saw him playing basketball in 9th grad, all sweaty and shirtless. But then the emotions of what he did to me creep back in. I know he's trying. I try but it's damn hard to keep trying to put up a brave front. We went as far as we could with therapy although he is still seeing a therapist on his own. I am glad for that but I am still hurt. I always will be. I wasn't perfect but he will tell anyone who will listen, "I have a damn good waman. She made me the man I am today!" When I hear that, it makes me want to come back with, "If I was so damn good, then why the hell did you put your (read MY) d*ck in another woman???"
D-day was almost 5 months ago. It will be 5 months on the 24th. My H has made some really great progress with counseling and so have I. We also go to MC.
I truly beilieve that my H has a better understanding of himself now than he did when he started his affair. He has also learned a lot about communicating. He was not the easiest person to talk to. He now KNOWS that communication is as important as anything else in our marriage and that me asking questions and him giving one or 2 word answers IS NOT communicating.
I think we have BOTH learned A LOT about ourselves and our marriage. My H and I have talked about forgiveness of the affair. He knows that when I am ready I will be able to forgive him. I know that once we have gone thru the healing process, I will be in a place that I can offer my forgiveness, and then I think he will actually be able to forgive himself.
We take it one day at a time. Each day it does get easier. We have still have some "dark moments", but we never have "dark days" anymore.
We are making new memories and doing our best to rebuild our marriage. I am filled with HOPE and not hopelessness.