Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Is ignorance bliss?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I found myself contemplating this since yesterday. I read another post where a cheater was asking if he should reveal his affair to his wife. Normally, I would shout YES!!!! I came to wonder whether there would be certain circumstances to spare a person the knowledge of an affair. Let's say my husband was unhappy with our marriage and wanted a divorce. If he was completely committed to that decision, would I want to know that he'd had an affair? I think if I had been totally clueless about it, I wouldn't. However, if I asked him whether he did, I would expect the truth. I didn't want to reply to the cheater, because I didn't want to give him the answer he might be looking for. Cheaters are such cowards. Anyhow, I just wondered what all of your thoughts are on it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No matter what, with time the truth will always be revealed. I would rather it come from the person commiting the act than have to find out through other means. I think it gives us greater hope that something can be salvaged.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think honesty is a MUST in a marriage...no matter what. A marriage cannot be built on secrets and lies. If you hide something as important as an affair, that is a sign that the marriage is going to end, anyhow. You're just putting the last nails in the coffin. There are times that I wished I didn't know. But, we would be divorced by now. At least now, we're doing something about the state of our marriage.
jennsue
jennsue
I have been waiting for 3+ years to find out how many and with whom my H had affairs. He tells me "what you don't know wont hurt you". However I feel differently. I just don't know how much longer I can live with him not getting this information. I can't stop thinking about. Our marriage is over we just aren't divorced and stay in the same house. I regret that I didn't divorce him after the first affair.
Garrison
Garrison
Ignorance is NOT bliss. In fact, when it comes to cheating, the truth does come out or there is telltale signs or suspicion most of the time. So it really is not IGNORANCE in every aspect, is it?

"What you don't know" is a cop-out, a sterotypical response of a weak k/ immoral person. List it under "it just happened once", "nothing happened", "it was something just for me", "it just happened", you get the idea. The ignorance excuse is as weak as all of them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel that I would not want to know if it was a one time thing, and the other areas of our relationship were in the right place.
If the cheater knew he had made a mistake and was never ever going to do it again, because of guilt or whatever reason, and the cheating was over, FOREVER. I wouldn't want to know.
What would be the point to tell your spouse, I cheated on you, I will never do it again, but I just wanted you to know? Why, so there world could come crashing down like so many of ours?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I find myself flip-flopping about this. Some days I wish I didn't know, then I wouldn't have to feel this pain, rejection or inadequacy. Other days, I'm glad I found out, because now I know that my husband isn't this saintly being I had built him up to be, and also because now the OW is out of our lives (she is someone I knew, and didn't like very much in the first place), and I don't have to act like I like her anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it's better if the cheater tells the spouse they cheated for a lot of reasons, the main reason is that it might prevent them from ever doing it again in the past. If they simply hide the affair from you then that makes it sooo much easier for them to just continue or repeat the behavior whenever they want because they know they can get away with it now.

I totally disagree with not knowing. You would want to know. My spouse deserved to know what I did to him behind his back. That way it got out in the open, caused difficulties for a while in the marriage and then we dealt with it. I never want to go through all that again so I know I won't ever choose to cheat again. He deserves to go through that turmoil and suffer for what he has done.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It took me quite a bit of soul searching before I decided to confront my wife. QUITE A BIT. Part of me wanted her to just go on lieing and I'd pretend I didn't know.

Unfortunately, there were things that I didn't know about--like that she was pregnant with his child. So, in the end, she would up having to tell me everything even though I was considering not bringing it up.
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