Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after the transgression.

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Infidelity on Prozac

Has anybody suffered their partner having an affair when their partner is on Prozac ?
Prozac changed my loving caring wife to a person I no longer recognised. She was on 60mg/day for depression after the death of her mother.
6 months ago she told me she had been having an affair for 2 months.
She is off the drug now and back to her loving self. She has no explanation for what she was doing and cannot believe she did it. Neither can I.
I need proof that it was the drug so that I can forgive her and trust her again.
Please let me know if this has happened to you.



Hello NeilL
I took this drug many years ago when I became extremely unwell due to a back injury. I can tell you that I lost my libido and this was not me. My H was shocked beyond belief that this drug had this affect on me.
This drug can cause different side affects to different people but the side affect that I had many other people had too?????
I don't think that the drug itself could make a person have an affair.
Are you sure that she was taking it though????? I'd queston this very seriously!

Thanks Affable.
I'm sure she was taking it. She changed. She's back to normal now she's off it.
I'm trying to find a reason why a loving wife of 20 years would suddenly do such a thing.
It would be much easier for me if she said she was bored or said I wasn't giving her enough attention or sex was dull etc, as these are things I could work at, but she still cannot give me any reason for the affair.
She has nothing to lose by telling me the truth.
She described it at one point as if it was not her, she was watching somebody else do it through their eyes.
I'm not trying to fool myself, I would be happier (probably not the right word) to know it was my fault, as then I could fix what was wrong and prevent it from happening again.

Neil, great question.

I would be talking to her doctor, or doing a lot of online research. It's possible - hell, anything is possible.

I know that I had tried many antidepressants, anti anxiety meds after the divorce and had some side affects within weeks. Mostly, I felt sick as hell. (What a way to make me feel less depressed than by making me feel SO sick that I forgot I was so depressed...I stopped taking them - exercise instead and it helps) I do remember one - the name slips my mind - that really hit me hard with some awful thoughts of "Just give up. If you off yourself, no one will even care..." I stopped that one too.

My point is this - all of these drugs affect everyone differently. Anything is possible and I am so grateful that she went off of them and is back to her old self.

Give her a big hug and take one for yourself. I hope you can work this all out.

Psychiatric drugs can cause all kinds of problems.
I must caution you though, even if one is emotionally unstable for whatever reasons, they still are who they are inside and their moral principals are the same.
When a person commits an "unlike them" act in the momemnt, I would be much more inclined to attribute it to the drug.
A pattern of behavior may point to something else.
Maybe you guys really have marital issues and while she was on the drug she just was unable to control whatever was bothering her inside for years.
Usually a person must be truly psychotic and do horrible things if it's a true adverse reaction to the psych meds.
I had a lady beat the crap out of me when she started on Seroquel. This person never hit anyone in her life.

anyway, good luck with everything.

I doubt if the Prozac was the root of the affair. We are all on a separate journey even if we are married. Your wife is needing someting emotionally. It's not your fault and it's not hers. Life gets in the way sometimes and we make decisions that are not the best. She's with you and has found an excuse you can both live with. If YOU love her, find a way to show it everyday. Something is missing for her and don't let pride get in your way. If you can't forgive or trust...time will tell. If you error with love you might still get hurt but you at least did everything you could. The rest is her journey.

You have described something that looks similar to what has happened to my marriage. almost comparable but not quite. Nevertheless, let me try to explain what I have learned. My husband suffers from clinical depression. His mom died in July and that sent him over the edge. He started to go out, drink and eventually had a two month affair with was not a sexual affair (he has libido and performance issues), but an emotional affair. He swears there was nothing happening. Nevertheless, because of his depression, he was being very abusive, did not want to go to the doctor and I had to let him go...that is...I threw him out. I have recently receive an increidible email from a person who suffers depression describing what goes in their minds. he explained that the depression takes over, they do things they would never, ever would have imagined doing, the part of their brain that is okay sort of sees themselves doing things, but the depressed brain is in charge and they just plain go on ahead. this may go on, and, on, or sometimes the good side of the brain comes out and is able to take hold,,,and be able to deal with everything in a healthy way. it happens also because the depression brings all those happy hormones we have to a low, and having an affair....or anything that may bring you a hormonal high to make you feel better will do (bungee jumping, going out partying, etc. etc. etc.) So, when you described your situation, it sounded like a person who is clnically depressed, and who entered into a crisis mode doing things that they could not control, or would never do.

she should go to the doctor and start dealing with her depression with a psychiatrist and carrying out a mental health plan.

i don't know - but I will say that my H had recently come off an anti-depressant prior to having his affair. he swears that has something to do with it. he swears his head was all messed up. so my only reservation is this - how come when I took an antidepressant and came off i didn't go out and have an affair?

needhope.....I understand how you are feeling...I am there...but please remember that everyone's reactions to medication and to depression is different.

Many thanks everybody, this is helping me a great deal.

Conscience is at best an ephemeral thing; we can't pinpoint it and it seems to operate within all but a very small percentage. When we transgress conscience it is quite powerful and many times we are thus depressed and troubled within. Some have called it the greatest penalty possible for it comes from within.

In the case of SSRI's they seem to affect the part of the brain which visualizes doing something -- and with SSRI's it seems an easier thing to act upon these desires. Secondly, there could also be a tempering of the conscience as one seemingly blows right through what would be considered "questionable acts" with little effect on the disposition. The filter is weakened by SSRI's AND the after effect as well appears diminished, thus all the horror stories of people doing crazy stuff on these meds...

Reviving the past is the greatest enemy and stewing the memory the cruel storehouse of past offenses...

It is said the mind is as difficult to control as the wind, and that what we give energy to tends to manifest...

He that ruleth over his own anger is mightier then he who taketh a city..."

Well now it all makes sense!! My husband must've been on lots of prozac before his affair(s)!!

In all seriousness, I have done a bit of reading and (supposedly) anti-depressants are supposed to help those who are sex/porn addicts. I've also read that depression and sex/porn addiction are related (so to speak).

But, drugs do affect people differently. If this is a first for your wife, than I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She lost her mom, was depresssed, and was on meds @ the time. And, like you said, she's back to her loving self!

And Neil, it would not be easier to work with if she gave you another reason.

60 mg a day? SIXTY? That's a bit large of a dose. I think that would change anyone. I BELIEVE the normal dosage for this is between 15-20 mg. ( a quick check on it I could do).

People have committed suicide on that drug, I am sure infidelity isn't beyond the scope of its wonderful potentials. ( I am completely against prozac and xanax drugs).

I don't know what to tell you. Just keep your eyes and ears open I guess?

We can't give you proof it was the drug, but based on what you said, I'd say it's a fair claim.

One affair, and she confesses two months into it - that's not the story most of us tell...not the "type" of affair most of us have dealt with.

This isn't really a question of what you can prove. It's a question about what you are willing to believe.

If I were you, based on all that you have stated here, I would believe it was the drug.

I think that you have a unique opportunity that by helping her to heal from this, you can help yourself to do the same.

Thanks all for your help, I've got what I need now. Good luck with all your own battles, I've won mine.
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