Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband is impulsive ...in fact very impulsive. I never thought he'd stray, though, but then one day she shows up and it happens! He leaves me for his ex-wife. Long story, yes there was unfinished business and yes there was a child he'd never been able to see (their child) but she was a bad person and it ends up he does me the way she did him! He left me for her.
It's now been 2 yrs and there have been no other women that I know of although I've found out by his own admission that he has flirted some, but he says it's to get a good deal (like pawn shops etc) or it's been by phone (a bill collector of all people! --local!!!) and he said she knew he was married so he considers it innocent. But it really hurts.
So what I am dealing with now is feeling that whatever situation pops up, whoever shows up or calls determines where our marriage stands. I worry a lot about his ex gf (long-term) and she's barely legal (I'm old) so I'm really insecure. One day they will bump into each other or she'll call or come to our house and then what???????? How can I feel secure. He recently ran into her best friend, who filled him in on what she's been up to for the past several yrs!!!! OUCH! I swear he was ecstatic as he told me about it. He told me b/c he knows I want to know of any contact. It scares me to see him happy about knowing about her. I see her around in passing (small town) so it is inevitible. I know I'm harming myself by allowing it to consume my energy and thought. So at what point do I somehow change? And what DO I change? I feel like I'm paying the price for his indescretion and I know I have control over my thoughts or rather I'm responsibile for them, but really lack control at this point. It's just so hard!
Someone, analize me pleazzze. :)
It's now been 2 yrs and there have been no other women that I know of although I've found out by his own admission that he has flirted some, but he says it's to get a good deal (like pawn shops etc) or it's been by phone (a bill collector of all people! --local!!!) and he said she knew he was married so he considers it innocent. But it really hurts.
So what I am dealing with now is feeling that whatever situation pops up, whoever shows up or calls determines where our marriage stands. I worry a lot about his ex gf (long-term) and she's barely legal (I'm old) so I'm really insecure. One day they will bump into each other or she'll call or come to our house and then what???????? How can I feel secure. He recently ran into her best friend, who filled him in on what she's been up to for the past several yrs!!!! OUCH! I swear he was ecstatic as he told me about it. He told me b/c he knows I want to know of any contact. It scares me to see him happy about knowing about her. I see her around in passing (small town) so it is inevitible. I know I'm harming myself by allowing it to consume my energy and thought. So at what point do I somehow change? And what DO I change? I feel like I'm paying the price for his indescretion and I know I have control over my thoughts or rather I'm responsibile for them, but really lack control at this point. It's just so hard!
Someone, analize me pleazzze. :)
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
One thing that has really helped me is the notion that I am only in control of myself. No matter how much I would terrorize myself trying to keep track of every moment, every glance...I couldn't and it only drove me insane. If they want to stray they will. They will find a way. Impulse or not. There really can't be too much impulse since cheating takes so much planning and time.
Feeding into your fear is probably even making you feel like a stranger in your own town. I promise, focus on making yourslef complete and happy and all these feelings will subside. Being strong is the greatest assest a woman has.
As far as the ex goes, don't sweat it. Is she not the one he cheatd with? If not, she is one less thing to worry about. Since she is so much younger, maybe hus excitement for her is in some form like he would have for a grown child or sibling.
Take care & thoughts to you,
Jax