I know exactly how you feel. It sounds like something is missing there though. Like in my "relationship" theres a lack of understanding from him that what he did, broke my spirit, hurt me to the core. It sounds like your H is the same.
They don't want to deal with all the emotions of the situation, or the questions or the if ands or buts because its hard work. Seems like mine can't handle the hard work like he said he could.
I don't know. I feel like if they were TRULY commited to making this work, being happy again, loving us wholly(is that a word) we would feel it.
I know it's a long road-reconcilliation and recovery but I don't think it's supposed to feel like this.

I'd like to here from the people who are further along, to see if this is normal.

*Sorry, I know I was 0 help*

im in the same boat as you both. its only been a month for me (exactly today as a matter of fact) and every day is new to me. new emotions, new pain, new revelations, new anger. i worry that i wont ever be MYSELF again much less a happy couple again!!

They need to understand you wont ever "forget about it" and "just move on" - even though that is what they want. What they did makes that impossible. It's there for you - whether or not they are, if you stay together or not. The trust issues, hurt, all those feelings are there if you stay together or not. For you.
It will always be there for you - that is what the cheater did. THEY did it. You arent doing it or holding onto it. They dumped it on you and you cant get rid of it. It's permanent.
If that means it's always there for them - then they did that too - not you.
If you stay together - it will always be there. It may get better, be easier, you may think of it much less often - but it will be there.
If you dont stay together - it will STILL be there for you - whether you are in a relationship or not. If you get in another relationship with someone else - it will still be there for you and now in your new relationship - it will effect you and your relationships for the rest of your life. Because it cant just go away. Its a scar. You cant get rid of it.
The cheater needs to understand that - accept it - take responsability for it - and deal with it.
The one cheated on has to deal with it - they have NO choice. The cheater made that choice, and now they want the one cheated on to "clean it up" and take it away - they try to put responsability onto the one cheated on.
It doesnt work that way. It cant.
THEY did it, not you.

Trust takes time. It may be too early to make your decision. He needs to show you that he can be trusted. He needs to be accountable for where/who he's been with.

I think I know exactly how you're feeling. I felt completely hopeless a few weeks back, very much how you sound today. If I had to hear one more person tell me it takes time, I'd scream. How long can a person endure such intense unhappiness and not knowing where their life is headed? For me I looked hard at what I believed to be true. I do believe my husband sees what he's done and won't ever do it again. This is the 2nd time for yours, right? Does he show any real signs of repentance? The other day you asked about him wanting you to forgive your friend. I have a theory on that. I think maybe he feels terribly guilty and by you reconciling with your friend, he will alleviate some of his guilt. That's just my idea though. You obviously know how he really is.
The other thing that helped me feel better was an article that I read about infidelity. It said one of the most harmful things we do is to question whether we want it to work or not. Instead, if conditions are right with both parties, focus on what can you do to fix the marriage and make it last. For some reason, it made a lot of sense to me. I decided to follow that path and in doing so, took myself out of limbo. I'm not doubting whether I want my marriage or not anymore. I do want it and I'm going to do everything I can to make it exactly the marriage I've always wanted and never had. Of course it takes two and I'll have to see how he does. I'm not willing to settle again. Hopefully, painfully slowly, we will rebuild trust.

I feel like the last post is the most accurate. While it's something you have to live with forever it's something he has to live with to, that he did this to you. I don't know the specifics of your situation and I have a different perspective as I am the one in a relationship that made a mistake... but I know from experience that it's not a CAN you forgive and move on, but do you WANT to... because you CAN do anything... It's about do you WANT to? Do you question YOUR feelings for him? Are you committed to the relationship enough to WANT to work through what has happened? Deep deep down... it comes from there.

I have to agree with Duped, I was really strugling last weekend. Feeling like I could never get past this (and didn't really want too). I have been so angry with him and we actually did sit down and have a long heart to heart. I then went to church and prayed about it. I also talked to my religous leader- he doesn't always say what I want to hear but what I need to hear. What he said has made sense. I can move forward, not move on, but move forward or I can stay where I am and continue to focus on all that has gone wrong in my life. He is right, I have been living in my own little pity party, which is not really getting me anywhere. I spent most of Sunday and a good part of Monday crying and then I prayed again for where to go next. I woke up Tuesday and felt better then I had 6 wks. I have decided to move forward.
I still don't trust him, don't forgive him yet, and am not totally convinced that we can make it better. But I will never know what we can or can't be if I don't try. I do know that.
My husband has been so good and patient with me, that helps I know. He wants to make things better and that is at least a start. He acknowledges his problem and is working on his issues. This is not the first affair, the first was emotional and this one physical but more emotional. But with the first, he didn't want to accept blame, now he is. I think that is a positive sign.
I know that I will have bad days along with the good, but for now, I am finally enjoying the good. 6 weeks today and the first Friday I didn't start to panic at 11:41. Thats the first step. I cut 4 inches off my hair today and am buying a new car. Hello to the new and improved me (for today anyway).

I feel the same way. will I ever be able to trust again. Some times I feel really good and positive then I panic and everything goes down hill. I want to believe him but I am scared to. I want my marriage to work but my husband has never been one to talk about his feelings. That means he is absolutely no help with this.He says just forget it and move on like I wouldn't do that if I could. Taday is a good day for me and I feel hopeful that we will be happy again.