Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

3,951 Members
17,784 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Infidelity Support Group

I want to be your friend

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband is having an affair and he states that he doesn't want the marriage- he just wants to be friends. Is this a typical remark of men who are wanting to have their cake and eat it too? Or is it an honest statement?
deleted_user
deleted_user
it sounds like the statement of a man who wants out but doesn't want to deal with hurting you, about admitting his infidelity and guilt.

let's be friends.
that way you can overlook the shitty things i did.

it's probably an honest statement - at least the first part about not wanting the marriage.
as my soon-to-former wife said, "i already thought i was your friend."
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ditto with dummy. Guilt, guilt, guilt.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Friendship is part of being married. What the heck else does he want? Copout statement...
Nanayaya
Nanayaya
When I found out about his affair he told me he couldn't handle it if we couldn't still be friends. I told him- "Is this how you treat your friends?" The problem was he couldn't completely let me go although he didn't want to lose her. You know, keep the door open just in case it doesn't work out w/ her?
deleted_user
deleted_user
The untechnical term for keeping hold of both relationships is life boating. Holding on to one relationship(boat)and when that one starts to sink grab on to the next one so that you can be assured you are never alone.
bigguy3
bigguy3
Sounds like a guilt based comment ... but this is not exclusive to men. Women use this statement as well. It is usually used in conjunction with the "I love you, but I am not IN love with you", statement. It is a way of being selfish but trying to save face at the same time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tell him you have enough friends, what you need is a husband!
It is a copout-bs tactic.
W
pianogirl
pianogirl
Waverly's response is RIGHT ON! I am dealing with this and it hurts me deeply. If anybody would ask my husband "Do you love your wife." He would say "Yes, she's my best friend." But, he doesn't want to make love to me- that he saves for other women. It's a horrible, demeaning, awful thing said to justify his actions. Don't buy it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks to all of you. I have a hard time recognizing honesty in my husband these days. I have always been trusting and now that has been broken.These comments only make me feel hopeful but they are perhaps used to allay his guilt.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • jeffneedshelp

    Welcome if you’re new!

    Posted by: jeffneedshelp
    Last Reply: FredrickShurmers
    5
    We've all been there - reading a lot of this information before ever stepping in and ever writing that you may have a problem. This is a safe space with people who care. Please say hello!
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: irishwriter
    7916
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??