In my journal Jenlee wrote "You do deserve happiness and attention and affection. I am so sorry for and understand all too well the pain of feeling that you are ignored." And WE ALL do (deserve to be loved). So why is it that I am still here? It's not money, it's not security- don't have either of them. Honesty, loyalty, friendship, relationship? None of that. Yes, I love him; but, can that be the only thing that is keeping me here? Can that be enough to keep our marriage alive? Because I want all those things I don't have. I'm not alone with this, there's others, that read my journals and are in the same place as me; and, also, can't figure it out. Knowing we want, we need love, affection, emotions and we're not geting them. And, in my case, won't (just not in him), why do we stay? I did a post, recently, on what it was like to have a loving, devoted spouse (after the affair) and that was hard to read, and they all say, it helps for them choosing to stay. Can my marriage survive if I'm not feeling loved? He hasn't told me he loved me in 2 months; it's so hard waiting to hear those words and they never come out. Or to be held... or to just be hugged. He says he's regrets what happened and that he's not leaving; do I take that is his "love" and learn to live with it?
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