Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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I'm very confused

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have been with my SO for seven years, engaged and living together for a lot of that time. She got a new job in May and suddenly she sort of dropped out of my life. By that I mean she stopped emailing me, forgot my birthday (or ignored it), started getting really concerned about her privacy, started working late and didn't seem very interested in us. I finally started noticing signs that she was having sex with someone also. My efforts to confront her and talk about what was going on met with a stone wall of denial and I finally gave up asking. I sought counseling and continue to see one.
She quite suddenly came back to the relationship one day about a month ago, as if nothing had happened. Loving, talkative and completely involved with me once again, but she still insists that nothing happened. I don't know what was going on exactly (though I suspect) and I really don't know if whatever was going on has ended. I'm very confused, we share so many things; our respective children, grandchildren and interests that it's difficult to imagine my life without her. Any ideas where I should go from here? Or should I just run as fast as I can? Very upset and confused here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its so hard not knowing for sure if she did have an affair. All the signs are there. My H was very detached from me and the kids when he was having his. Its going to drive you crazy until you know the truth. I will pray for you and hope she is woman enough to come clean. You cant start a life with someone when thier are lies in between you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
no way of telling for sure but it sounds like it to me i would start imagining life w/o her
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know. The signs are there, but they could also be signs of menapause. If you don't have proof and she says she's not done anything, there's not a whole lot you can do. Have you talked to her about the things that hurt you...forgetting your birthday, etc.? Why did you say there were signs she was having sex with someone else? Did you ask her about those specific things?

I always find advice for people in your situation to be more difficult. You're not married. So, in one respect, she's still entitled to her privacy about some things. I would hope that she will be able to completely share her life with you. Tell her that you want to know what she was going through. Maybe she was just having doubts about your relationship and she needed a little space. Of course, you could also be right about an affair. Regardless, you need to be able to communicate openly and honestly.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Regardless of whether or not she cheated, you have to ask yourself if it is acceptable that your finance disappear for months on end, only to show back up again to use you as the fall guy, for whatever reason.

If you decide you MAY want to give this a chance, and from the sound of your post, you do want this to work, then you have to INSIST that she tell you WHAT THE HELL happened, why she disappeared, and why she thinks it is ok to just pop back into your life. (because she knows you love her, but what about HER love and respect for YOU?)

She may not have cheated, but in any case, she HIGHLY disrespected you and you twos life together. Do you want that in a partner?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks for your replies. Yes, it's hard to be certain that anything has really happened, but after being with someone for so many years there are just some smells, wetness, tenderness in certain areas that you are sure are related to sex and your partner. These are the "signs" that make me think something sexual is going on.
She never disappeared physically overnight or anything, just emotionally, like on my birthday it was like her mind was completely on something or somebody else. When I mentioned my birthday she didn't act sorry or surprised, she promised to take me to a nice restaurant the following weekend to celebrate. She forgot that too.
You know, each of these incidents alone could have been dismissed, but all lumped together in one summer, well it makes me seriously wonder. But still no real proof, and she has nothing to say about any of it. This is made even more confusing by the fact that she has been very loving the past month or so while there are still some signs that something could be going on. Like I said, very confusing and upsetting.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've decided at this point to just take a wait and see position with her. JayLGee2 may be right in that it could be a menopause thing (and possibly fling). She has had issues with menopause lately. At the moment things are calm and we are getting along fine so while I remain suspicious, I hope that soon she will be willing to talk to me about this whole mess. For now I'll just keep quiet and watch with interest (and also keep my options open). Thank you all for your comments and support!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with all replies above,
but what BetrayedA wrote. Do
you deserve to be treated this
way. Why after 7 years have
you both not married eachother?
Most commited women want
marriage, if they truely Love You and respect you as a man.
What's up with that?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry ,I forgot to put in that
I especially agree with BetrayedA's comments on her
reply to you. Shell48
deleted_user
deleted_user
BetrayedA assumed that she had physically left me over the summer, which she didn't. She just kind of dropped out emotionally, totally out of character for her. In fact a lot of her behaviors this summer were totally out of character. She has financial reasons for not marrying at this time (she's a widow and the pension pays for the house) but we've had and she still claims we have a committed and closed relationship. It's just that she hasn't acted that way lately. A lot of totally strange things have happened this summer and she won't talk about any of it without getting extremely defensive.
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