Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

i'm spying on my dates, HELP ME!!!

deleted_user
deleted_user
People who hasnt been cheated on dont understand the complexity of this problem... they think it is just about forgive them and that they dont do it again... I thought this would be easier too... but im realizing that its very hard and I lost a lot of things... for example:

I dont believe in guys anymore
I dont trust them
I think the worst of them
I have spy on them
and i feel terrible about all this... this is not me! im not like this!!!!

I have spy twice, (to 2 different dates) since this shit happened to me... I dont know why I do it.. I know this sounds crazy.. it actually terrifies me, cuz im such a lay back person, cool, I hate doing that kind of things.. and look at me.. here I am spying on people, what a shame! I feel so bad about this.. I'm not like this, I would laugh about someone who does this...IT IS WRONG!! I dont wanna be like this.... I dont know what to do please, help me... I dont wanna keep doing this anymore.. I have to stop!!!!
I did with 2 different guys and i did it when they did answer me the phone, i automatically thought they went out with someone and thats why they didnt answer me...so i went to their homes to see if they're cars were there and see what they had to say the next day... but it turns out they were home sleeping!!! I feel like a psycho.. but im not!!!! this is wrong!!!
im gonna go crazy... i have to trust! i cant be like this! please!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah...this is going to eat you alive. I don't think the cause is your fault. Those of us who have been cheated-on do understand. But, you can't let them control your life like this. You think that this helps you have control, but it actually is giving them more control of you. The bottom line is that you can't stop a cheater from cheating, anyhow. They are going to find a way to do it if they really want to do it. So, after a point it really is wasted time spent trying to keep up with their every move. I was obsessed for a time. I do understand. But, I realized that my job and my family were actually suffering because I was always checking on something. My counselors had to work with me to keep me accountable about policing my wife. It does get easier after you stop for a while. So, you need to find someone to help you stop before this really takes over your life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would suggest that you STOP dating until you talk with a counselor. That way, you dont hurt yourself, or any innocent man in the longrun.

I DO Believe you. I don't trust men either. AT ALL. ( Which is also why RIGHT NOW, I will NOT date). Add to that, that I was very abused as well.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Amber...that is a normal response to infidelity. But, trust comes from within you. Trust yourself to make healthy choices in men and trust yourself that you will not allow anyone to be dishonest with you. Trust in the strength you've gained from this experience and you will find those whom you can trust.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with not dating anymore for a while. Why go out with men if you don't even like them right now? Its not fair to an unsuspecting man for you to just automatically distrust him from the get go before he even gets a chance. You can't even go anywhere with a relationship with that mindset. I think counseling would do you some good.
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