
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
If it wasn't a big deal to you, you wouldn't post about it, I imagine. To me, lying is lying. Anybody who lies about little things, especially about topics like the OW, will lie about anything.
My XH used to say that I 'made' him lie because he didn't want to deal with my reaction.
Now I don't have any reactions, and he is still lying up the butt.
It got me nowhere. he would admit, perhaps to the lie, but such a fuss would be made! He just felt nitpicked on blah blah blah.
Today something was aid and I knew it was ...close.. to the truth. I said, "I know that is not the way it happened because you already told me before". I said it calmly, then went on and we didnt get into a debate. sometimes, I even let it go. it doesnt happen often, once a month or less, I think? So, I am not sure it is worth a fight. I use to think it would make him face it and it did and then he went smoothly back into de'nial or wherever he lives, so it doesnt have a huge effect.
If it is worth it to you, say something, kind of offhand, "I know that isnt true but that is not important right now...we were discusiing ... Maybe if he is not on the spot, he will do some growing up...maybe.
to confess their
indiscretions- but unfortunately that is often the case. Keep your eyes and ears open and if something doesn't match to what he has said before, gently remind him that's not what he said before and move on.I'm not sure if this is making sense but I hope it helps to some degree. I know it's stupid and frustrating that we feel we need to continue to give more when they are the ones that have already taken so much, but healing does take time. Not just for us, but for the cheater as well. It takes time for them to learn how to undo the pain that they have caused, and in a lot of cases-I actually think it takes them a lot longer to move on then us, due to the guilt factor. Good Luck!!
But, what the small lie says is that hubby is compelled to lie, even when the truth would be appropriate and acceptable. Im actually of a mind that the small lies are more a problem than the big ones. Its obvious why people have big lies, but what it the logic behind the constant, small lies which dont do any good? They are signs of his character and the way he deals with the kind of information he wants you to know. lies, big and small, are attempts for people to exert control over others. If I tell you I had a tuna salad sandwhich when I had chicken, it seems like no big deal, but what I have just done is consciously controlled the information I WAS ALLOWING YOU TOY HAVE ABOUT ME. It is a subtle form of a power dynamic and not a small deal.