Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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I can't lie anymore..

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband has been having an affair with a mutual friend and co-worker. I found out about it in April of this year. He moved into an apartment in June. He has been dating this woman and also trying to make efforts to spend time with our younger son. Whenever we talk about making plans for our son regarding schedules or acivities together, he has lied regarding what he's doing or when he's available. When our son asks if he can come places he lies and says he has to work or he is away on business. I know that probably he is with her and it's not business. Anyway, just recently he was telling me his plans for the weekend- just working I guess- he called back minutes later and said, "I can't lie anymore," and told me that he was going away for the weekend with her. Does anybody know if this is a good thing? Does it mean he is starting to realize the damage he is doing to his family? He also made remarks regarding not knowing what to do- who to talk to. Some suggestions or feedback please.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Rita,
Your patience and self control are phenominal! I could never have stopped myself from confronting him.

As to your question.
He is perhaps coming out of denial himself. So, since living a lie is not good for anyone, it is probably better for him. I would need to know more, like what you have said to him, about moving, up to the phone call you mention, to know how it might bode for you and he as a couple. I would only be guessing anyway.

Tell him to go speak to a counselor, pastor, priest, family member or friend. or all of the above. You do not need to be burdoned listening to his ambivelence about the other woman.

What do you want?
pianogirl
pianogirl
Of course it's a good thing for him to stop lying. If he does not know what to do or who to talk to, tell him to start looking for a counseler either through his healthplan or the yellow pages. You can not be his therapist. Don't let yourself get sucked into his limbo- tell him since he moved out, you will be moving on. However, lying when it comes to time to spend with his son is not acceptable. Document this so that if you end up in divorce court, you don't end up fighting for custody, which clearly you deserve since he is being so irresponsible.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is a good thing htat you'ver finding out that your H is no longer feeling the need to lie to you or your son. Your H may still need time to be stupid and irresponsible in his relationship with the OW before he can return to adulthood. (Not meaning that as a put down but often men who cheat do so as an escape from the responsibilites of life. You asked for suggestions and the only one I have is to protect your son from his father's moments of immaturity. Let your son know that his father still loves him very much but with the (divorce, moving out, etc) he's busy. And most important thing of all that none of this is his fault (dad moving out, lack of time, and/or possible divorce). Oh-the other's are right. Tell him if he needs to talk to talk to the OW.
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