I've posted about it i've read others posts but i cannot seem to internalize this one. Is there a certain order of things i'm supposed to let go, am i just keeping it alive in my mind by not letting go, is it harder because i allowed myself to be yo yoed back and forth, is it harder because i think this woman wanted my life and now he has given it to her, is it harder because i watch my son sit at home while he entertains his "new" family on trips and outings? This man has changed forever. This marriage is over forever. This dad is now just a part time father. This betrayal so complete and difficult. I try to be positive, i am getting better but slowly. i know in my heart that i deserve so much better--so what? he is happy now. I know in my heart that he left me for very shallow reasons and yes she must be just as shallow---so what? They are happy now. My son and i struggle financially. he asks for things once in awhile that i just cannot afford right now. We eat chicken and pasta and hot dogs because we try to stretch the $$. I am sure her children are not in that position. The reality is that she did want my life--now she has it. How am i supposed to feel better about that? How am i supposed to turn this around so that i can think better feel better be better? I am at a loss, i am stuck so to speak. Has anyone felt this way? How do you get out of it. Step one i am taking is going to see a new therapist, more of a life transitional coach. I am soooooo tired of feeling loss, of feeling less than of being rejected and abandoned. I try to give it to God...it comes back to me. I cannot read it away, journal it away, rationalize it away, pray it away...it just is. I try to look to the future but cannot see very far. I try to choose something to do that makes ME happy but some days i am at a loss, unmotivated..just down in the dumps. What is really holding me here while life goes on all around me?
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